Moving!

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm moving my blog over to a new site so I hope that those of you who have followed me here will follow me over there! I promise to have posts up soon :) 

http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/diaryofaffg

What does it take?!

How did my 3 day weekend disappear so fast? I'm not really sure how that happened. These recent weeks have all felt like one blur after the other. This week was my favorite... weigh-in week so let's get to the results before anything else. Last month's number are in parenthesis.

Weight: 152 (152)
Waist: 30 (30)
Hips: 38 3/4 (38 3/4)
R Thigh: 20 3/4 (21)
R bicep: 10 1/2 (10 1/4)
Shoulders: 38 3/4 (39)
Body Fat: 26.2% (26.4%)

Obviously there hasn't been much of a change so I was pretty upset on Tuesday. I am convinced that once I hit that 152 bench mark my body says, "STOP! Sorry, you're not allowed to weigh any less!" It's just unfair. Joe tried to be positive and remind me that I lost a pound of fat & about an inch, but somehow that still didn't make me feel better. What kills me is I'm so particular about my food! I prepare most of my own stuff & I limit my carbs, I don't eat fatty foods & my weight still refuses to move down! Maybe the fact that I eat pretty much the same food week in and week out has something to do with it? Maybe my lack of sleep during the week is effecting my body? Maybe I could do more cardio? I really don't know, and unfortunately Joe didn't have many more answers for me.  So he proceeded to kill me with a primarily upper body/core work out... 4 days later my arms were still sore!

I felt so defeated Tuesday night I just wanted to cry. When you struggle with something and then work really hard and nothing changes it's hard.  I understand that I have less weight to lose now so I'm not going to drop a lot each month, but I am not content at 152.  

I realize this is an issue I've gotta work out with myself. How thin is thin enough? I look at myself & think 8 more pounds & I'd feel more comfortable, but I just don't know how realistic that is given how much trouble I'm having right now. I can recall feeling this way when my weight woes began to pile on when I was about 15. I noticed I'd put on a few pounds & tried to get my eating under control so I would get on track, but somehow that never happened. My friend Ryan & I were talking just the other day about the lunches we used to eat in high school. I won't disclose his former lunches (HAHA) because this is about my past faults & current path but I can remember eating pepperoni & cheese sandwiches & on some days getting a side of fries or a cookie or some ice cream. Then there were days that I ate a turkey sandwich & I'd have some frozen yogurt & I thought I'd had a good day. Just goes to show that when you're uneducated about what food you're putting into your body what you think is "healthy" is just not. I wouldn't touch half of the stuff I used to eat with a 10 foot pole! I won't even go into what my work outs were like back then because compared to what I do now, I don't think you could even really call them work outs. I guess that's the thing about hindsight. Looking back it all seems so much clearer & you just have to hope not to repeat the mistakes.

The 3 day weekend was fantastic! It was so nice not having to go to work today & having a 4 day work week is pretty awesome too. Naturally I ate & drank a little more than normal, but I did hit the gym Saturday morning before the holiday weekend eating began so I wasn't a total waste. Tomorrow I will get back into my routine, which is always a good thing. I've gotta figure out how I'm going to attack this problem & hit it head on. My first thought is shake up the food. The body always responds better to shock than habit.

Before I go I figured I'd show a few comparison pictures to show where I'm at. I'm not gonna give up because I just don't have it in me to quit, so now it just means I've gotta work a little harder & I can do that. The other alternative is to go back to what I used to be & for me that's not even an option. Happy Memorial Day & thank you to all of our troops & veterans for their service!

March 2011...

May 2011...rocking leggings & a shirt I wouldn't have been able to wear 20 pounds ago. 

This past week...trying to focus on the positive & keep at it. 

Until next time... 

Marisa

Keep Moving Forward...

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted! The last 3 weeks have been hectic to say the least. My cousins were home from medical school, which is always a lot of fun, but it usually means lots of nights out and activities planned. Some of the fun things we did were go to a Yankee game followed by a trip to the best wings place on the Upper East Side (ate the HOTTEST wings of my entire life!!), went out for Cinco de Mayo, saw Thor, & had some awesome dinners. John headed back to the island last week & Chris headed to Texas for a 7 week course this morning. It's always sad when they go & I just hope the time goes by fast.

I also finished school for the semester last week & I can't even express how happy I am! My 2 take home finals zapped so much energy out of me that I'm still trying to recoop from them. It's just good knowing that I have 3 months of not having to drive to school & do homework. GLORIOUS.

My body feels like it has been put through the ringer. I haven't taken a week off from the gym since the last time Joe gave me permission to do so which was early February. I think soon it may be time for another one of those weeks. I'm afraid I'm hitting one of those God awful plateaus and my body needs some sort of a shock.

Of course Joe's idea of shocking the body is making me do 4 sets of an exercise with at least 20 reps instead of 15. I know that he knows what he's doing, but I was having a hard enough time with 15 reps and now I've gotta do 20 on most exercises. And then last week, after I could barely keep my eyes open due to several late nights of working on my finals, Joe decides to make me do the dreaded plyos work out. I literally wanted to cry. I'm sorry, I don't care what any of the fitness people out there say, I have NO reason to be doing that type of work out. I am not training for any sport or endurance type of event. I don't care how many jumping squats I can do in 1 minute. There is challenging & then there is unnecessary & to me, that is completely unnecessary. Joe's response, "Well, you don't have to do crazy cardio after." UGH. Let us hope that work out doesn't come about any time soon.

I'm pretty bored with my food, but luckily the warmer temperatures mean more grilling! Oatmeal & I are on a break right now & I'm trying to eat a half of a grapefruit or yogurt on the days that I don't eat eggs for breakfast. Lunch most days I try to avoid carbs when I can, but I do allow myself at least one sandwich to break it up a bit. Dinners are usually protein and veggies & every night before bed I have some green tea & usually some Greek yogurt. I'm not sure what it is about night time, but I LOVE late night eating. I don't need to eat pizza or anything greasy at night, but I love to eat cereal or popcorn or some ice cream or a few cookies... obviously I avoid those things, but the late night eating urge is very hard to ignore.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my younger self. I've been thinking about how being over weight made me feel like I needed to constantly cover myself up. I was content to just blend into the background because that's where I thought I belonged. I never felt like the "pretty girl" I was just the tom boy who blended in as one of the guys. I guess It's funny how things like that really stick with you. Even though I'm not the same body type I was back then or the same person I was, I feel like that stigma doesn't just vanish. The thing that I've realized over the last couple of weeks is that I've gotta find a way to make my peace with it. I am who I am now & of course my past has shaped me but it doesn't have to necessarily define me.

I can't believe tomorrow is already Monday! The weekends just go by too fast! I've got a full week ahead, but the fact that I have no homework to do & I can relax, read the books I want to read, work on my own book & catch up on stuff I've had to put off makes me very happy. I've got one more week to go before weigh in so I'm hoping for some better results this time around. Maybe all those damn salads will actually pay off! Had to throw these pictures in before I signed off...

Me at age 4... unfortunately that baby fat lingered for a lot longer than it should have... 

A few weeks ago at the Yankee game... embracing the "new" me :) 

Until next time... 

Marisa

Am I Standing Still?

Happy Friday to everyone! I feel like this week flew by, which in many respects is a very good thing. It was the LAST week of classes for the semester & I couldn't be happier. Sure, I still have 2 take home finals to complete & a paper to finish before I'm officially done for the semester, but at least I don't have to sit through class anymore. I am most definitely looking forward to a 3 month hiatus from school. Not to mention, I'm looking forward to saving my gas tank a little from all the back and forth.

I actually took off from work today so that I could get my paper done that's due on Monday. What a joy it was to not wake up at 6:15. No, I wasn't one of the many people that woke up at 4am to watch the Royal Wedding... I did what most people of this generation do... I Tivoed the event. I woke up at 8:30 and got to see the happy couple on the balcony at the palace & saw their two (gasp) kisses. Kate looked absolutely beautiful & she seemed so calm! I don't know if my wedding was on display to the entire world if I would be that calm, but kudos to her. I think what I loved the most was just how happy & in love Kate & Will looked with each other. Ahhhh...

Okay, back on topic... this past Tuesday was weigh in so without further adieu I will give the results. Last month's numbers are in parenthesis.

Weight: 152 (152)
Hips: 38 3/4 (39)
Waist: 30 (30)
R Thigh: 21 (21)
R Bicep: 10 1/2 (10 3/4)
Shoulders: 39 (39)
Body Fat: 26.4% (27.4%)

As you can see, there isn't much of a change... I did lose 2 pounds of fat based on the BMI calculations that Joe does so I'm happy with that & I lost 1/2 inch. I was also glad to see my body fat go down after it seemed to just kind of hover in the same place for the last several months. Like I've said, it seems that when I hit near this weight my body just stops working, which is obviously a concern for me. Joe told me to keep in mind that you could take two people that both weigh 150 pounds and one of them is 50% body fat & the other is 25% body fat & the 25% body fat person doesn't look like they weigh THAT much. He said by looking at me there is no way that anyone would say that I weigh 152, so I guess that is a good thing.

But in all honesty, I don't wanna be stuck here. I would feel more comfortable at 145. I don't know how realistic that is considering the muscle that I've put on, but it's worth entertaining. Speaking of muscle, I couldn't help but think during our work out on Tuesday that Joe is trying to lean me out with muscle. Normally we do 3 sets of most exercises of 15 reps & then reduce to 12 or 10 reps depending on how I'm feeling, but on Tuesday we did 2 sets and at least 20 reps on all of them. I never wished for 15 reps more in my life! Maybe that's going to be part of our new regime? If it keeps me from settling at this plateau, I'll suck it up.

I am getting increasingly bored with my food. I eat pretty much the same thing all the time... not every day but within a week there are many of the same things. I think I am in need of some new recipes to shake things up. Luckily, BBQ season is upon us and I can start using my grill again, which I love. Still, one of my biggest struggles is being a late night eater. I'm not sure what it is, but I LOVE to eat late night. Around 10, I feel that little bit of hunger creeping up in my stomach & I usually end up peering into the fridge hoping to find something. I end up fighting with myself for several minutes because what I really want is a bowl of ice cream or a bowl of cereal or some cookies, but I realize those aren't the right choices so I usually settle for some Greek yogurt or peanut butter on a graham cracker with my cup of green tea. So boring. I'm thinking that my body is in need of some kind of shock in an effort to kick start my metabolism a little bit more. I'll have to see what I can come up with.

Unfortunately, much of the next few days are going to require me to spend time with this paper, but at least by Monday afternoon I'll never have to look at it again. Tomorrow is supposed to be another beautiful spring day, which is perfect because I'll be heading to Yankee Stadium for the first time of 2011 with my cousins :) Most definitely looking forward to that! Before I go, here's comparison picture that made me feel better about my progress...

June 2010...yes, I'm sitting down, but that roll still existed.

April 2011...holding out my size 10 skinny jeans which are now too big on me. I like the number 8 better anyway!

Until next time...

Marisa

Fat Bottom Girls

First off, let me apologize for the delay in posts. Things have been busier than normal the past two weeks. My grandma fractured her hip & ended up having it replaced so after all the hospital drama, getting her into a rehab center, & then getting her out, it’s been lots of long days. Thankfully, she is recovering nicely & will be back to her jovial self in no time!

This Tuesday was supposed to be weigh-in week, but Joe had to cancel and we couldn’t get together another day this week, so I’m stuck waiting until this coming Tuesday. Normally that’s not a big deal, but I would’ve preferred to get weighed BEFORE Easter.  

I don’t feel much different from last month, and it’s not because I’m eating whatever I want or anything like that, but I fear that I am inching toward one of the things I HATE the most… a plateau. It’s as if when my body nears a certain weight, it just says, “Sorry, you’re not going any lower than that!” How incredibly unfair is that? 

My other concern is that I’ve been hungry more often than I was a month or so ago. I’ll eat breakfast, maybe have a banana or something like that before lunch & I’m fine. Then I eat lunch & it seems that for the rest of the day I just feel hungry & it’s really getting on my nerves. I eat protein at lunch so it’s not like I’m eating a bunch of carbs, which burn up quickly & then I’m hungry. I was talking with my friend Ryan about it & we concluded that my work outs, which have me putting on more muscle, are probably to blame for my added hunger. Yes, I realize that’s perfectly normal, but as a former fat girl the added hunger & possible weight gain don’t sit well with me.

Before you go & think that I’m a psycho for thinking this way, you have to understand that when you’ve battled your weight your entire life, being hungry more often & the number on the scale going up are two things you NEVER want. I know that any added weight would likely be due to the muscle, but I have a very hard time with the number going up. I’m well aware that this is my issue that I’ve gotta find a way to work through it, but I’m sure a lot of people can relate. That's why the title of this week's blog is the great Queen song that Glee is re-popularizing (Fat Bottom Girls). The song sort of glorifies "bigger girls" if you will, but really what girl wants to be known as a fat bottom girl? Not this chick... 

I’m sure a lot of people can also relate to having a family (especially my fellow Italians) that is obsessed with food… cooking it, eating it & talking about it most of the time. We’re always talking about things we want to make, the place where we ate something really good, or we were watching a show & they were making blah blah & it looked so good. How is anyone, especially someone with a naturally slow metabolism supposed to stay thin in that kind of atmosphere? I mean, I could start another whole blog on food alone! Food is great… I love my heritage, I love my family’s traditions, & I love cooking, but I’d be flat out lying if I said that sometimes loving food like this can be problematic.

On a positive note, all of my clothes are too big so I guess that's a sign that I'm doing something right. However, that leaves me loathing everything in my closet & taking forever to get ready because I can't find anything that I'm not swimming in. The other thing about losing weight & your clothes not fitting is that those clothes represent the "old you"... the stuff you had to wear to cover up what you didn't want everyone to focus on. Sure, there's a whole new world of clothes out there for the "new you", but it takes a while to build up a closet so for now I'm just hating my clothes. 

I've made it to the gym twice this week & am definitely going to try to get there tomorrow morning. I'm cooking Easter dinner so tomorrow is prep day. The BEST part of this week has been the return of Chris & John from the island! I LOVE having them home! I'm definitely looking forward to them being around for the next couple of weeks! I will be sure to report back with the results of weigh in! I hope that everyone has a great Easter! 

Marisa

Time...

One of my favorite Hootie & the Blowfish songs (Time) reminded me just how fast the time goes by. Also how I never seem to have enough time to do anything...not enough time to read my books, get to the gym, SLEEP, work on my book, make new recipes & did I mention sleep? Somehow it's already April! I have about 3 weeks left in my semester & I can't wait to be done! Chris & John return from the islands in less than 2 weeks which I'm very excited for!

The past 2 weeks of working out have been a bit of a struggle. Joe hasn't put me through any crazy work outs since the plyos work out from hell, but the lifting work outs have just been painful. It's rare that I wake up and something or several things don't hurt or ache. At this current moment, I have an ice pack on my bad shoulder but the rest of me is pretty sore too. I feel like I should be covered in lidoderm patches from head to toe. Or I'm just in serious need of that massage package I got for my birthday...

So this week's work out was another modified man work out, which I like just fine for the most part. I did full dead lifts with a 40 pound barbell, bench press, squat & single arm row, wood chop, tricep presses on a bar, & then this ab exercise where I had to lay down & keep my feet straight out in front of me raised off of the floor while holding a 20 pound barbell and bring my legs to the right, down, to the left and down. AWFUL. All I kept thinking was please don't let my sweaty hands drop this bar on my face. Luckily Joe was right above me so he had it covered.

Part of me has to laugh because Joe doesn't know my spazzy side. Sometimes when he asks me to do a certain exercise that's somewhat complicated I have to really force myself to think about what I'm doing so I don't look like a bumbling fool. Tuesday my spazziness came out a little bit even though I tried to cover it up, I had to just say, "I'm a bit of a spazz". He got a kick out of that & told me the better my core gets, the less of a spazz I'll be. I don't know if that's completely true, but it's definitely a nice thought.

Food... I'm starting to get very bored. I try to shake things up and spread it out so I  don't have too many carbs on one day. Still, it's mostly the same stuff all the time... chicken and salad, oatmeal, eggs, yogurt. I think I need a few new recipes and that might help. 2 more no meat Fridays to go and I think I will make it without putting myself in a total carb coma. I've had a massive craving for soft chocolate ice cream on a cone & I have to give myself kudos for suppressing the urge, but I feel that sooner or later I'm gonna have to satisfy the urge otherwise I'll go crazy.

Tomorrow it's back to the gym before game 2 of the Yankees/Red Sox weekend series. I dragged myself to do some cardio today even though I'm sore and exhausted. Luckily, the Yanks/Sox had an afternoon game so I caught the end of it which kept me entertained on the treadmill.  Unfortunately, the Yankees pitching couldn't hold it down today nor could the offense back them up so I was feeling more anxiety while walking at my 10 degree incline than normal. Going to try to pick it up a notch despite my aches & pains because in 2 short months summer will be here & I've gotta be prepared!

Until next time...

Marisa

Getting to the Dance...

It is officially one of my favorite times of year... March Madness! This year's tournament has been full of big upsets & nail bitting games. VCU is the 2011 Cinderella team & they just advanced to the Elite 8 for the first time in their school's history which is pretty exciting. BYU was also fun to watch especially Jimmer Fredette & it was kind sad when they got eliminated Thursday night. Luckily, 2 of my Final 4 teams are still going strong... UNC & Kansas. UNC is my team so I'm always happy to see them do well. Today it gets down to the Final 4 so I'm crossing my fingers!

This week was weigh in week so naturally I was a nervous wreck all day Tuesday. I don't know why I get so crazed about weigh in, but that number on the scale messes with my head so bad, but our culture is obsessed with numbers & females are just conditioned to think in the case of weight less is always better hence my panic. Here are the results with last month's in parenthesis...

Weight: 152 (153)
Hips: 39 (40)
Waist: 30 (31.5)
R Thigh: 21 (21)
R arm: 10 3/4 (10 3/4)
Shoulders: 39 (39)
Body Fat: 27.4% (27.6%)

That's 2.5 inches & another pound this month for a grand total of 9.5 inches & almost 16 pounds since October! I was definitely feeling pretty good after that, but I can't lie, I would have liked a little more loss on the weight. Joe reminded me that now is when it's going to start to get hard because I don't have that much more to lose, but for my own personal comfort, I would prefer to be no more than 148. Maybe that's a bit of a reach, but I'm gonna give it a go. Just to show how much has changed since the end of the summer check this out...

End of summer 2010

March 2011 w/Stella

I guess I don't really notice the difference because I'm looking at myself, but just looking at these 2 pictures was a huge lift for me. People have started referring to me as "skinny" which I have to say almost makes me feel uncomfortable. That adjective isn't one I'd ever use to describe me. Someone else said that I've gotten "tiny" & I was like, "No way." There is nothing "tiny" about me. I'm a 5'7" girl that wears a size 10 shoe so tiny just isn't me. I think it can be hard to feel comfortable in your own body, but I'm trying to get there... 

So Joe thought it would be a good idea to focus on core this week & I should've known that was going to be a problem. However, what I ended up getting was a plyometrics work out! AWFUL! I had to jump onto a platform and squat down & do that for a minute, girl push ups with my hand on a sand bag ball & as I go down had to push the ball to the other hand for a minute, one handed swings with a medicine ball for 30 seconds each, jumps side to side & touching my foot to the sandbag ball for a minute & last but not least the inch worm (Not to be confused with the dance move). You start standing straight up & then walk your hands all the way out so that you're in a push up position & then walk your feet to your hands & repeat. HORRIBLE. 

I've had some rough lifting work outs a.k.a. "the man work out", but this work out actually made me want to cry because I was so upset that he would make me do that. I am not training for a sport so as far as I'm concerned my speed & agility are not high on my list. Sure that kind of work out burns a lot of calories but I was really annoyed that I had to do that. My goal is to sculpt my body & be fit, not be able to jump side to side really fast to impress the soccer scouts. Hopefully next week, he will get back to lifting. 

Food has been good lately. I'm trying to inject some more protein into my diet, which is kinda challenging with Lent. I would like to say that I have cooked fish 2 out of the 3 Fridays... that's right I cooked it. I hate it, but I cooked it. We had swordfish this week, which I have to say is the fish I tolerate the best. Lunch on Fridays is tough because I don't want to just eat carbs, so this week I settled on a salad and some Greek yogurt. I know there are only 3 more Fridays to go, but it's not easy when you aren't a fish fan. 

Well, I've got a busy couple of weeks ahead. I've gotta try to make it through school in one piece & then I will have 3 glorious months of not having to report to Seton Hall woo hoo!! And next week baseball season officially gets under way, which is the best part of spring! Did my fantasy baseball draft last night & I need a serious bounce back year so cross your fingers I get off to a good start! 

Until next time... 

Marisa