Diary of a Former Fat Girl: What does it take?!

How did my 3 day weekend disappear so fast? I'm not really sure how that happened. These recent weeks have all felt like one blur after the other. This week was my favorite... weigh-in week so let's get to the results before anything else. Last month's number are in parenthesis.

Weight: 152 (152)
Waist: 30 (30)
Hips: 38 3/4 (38 3/4)
R Thigh: 20 3/4 (21)
R bicep: 10 1/2 (10 1/4)
Shoulders: 38 3/4 (39)
Body Fat: 26.2% (26.4%)

Obviously there hasn't been much of a change so I was pretty upset on Tuesday. I am convinced that once I hit that 152 bench mark my body says, "STOP! Sorry, you're not allowed to weigh any less!" It's just unfair. Joe tried to be positive and remind me that I lost a pound of fat & about an inch, but somehow that still didn't make me feel better. What kills me is I'm so particular about my food! I prepare most of my own stuff & I limit my carbs, I don't eat fatty foods & my weight still refuses to move down! Maybe the fact that I eat pretty much the same food week in and week out has something to do with it? Maybe my lack of sleep during the week is effecting my body? Maybe I could do more cardio? I really don't know, and unfortunately Joe didn't have many more answers for me. So he proceeded to kill me with a primarily upper body/core work out... 4 days later my arms were still sore!

I felt so defeated Tuesday night I just wanted to cry. When you struggle with something and then work really hard and nothing changes it's hard. I understand that I have less weight to lose now so I'm not going to drop a lot each month, but I am not content at 152.

I realize this is an issue I've gotta work out with myself. How thin is thin enough? I look at myself & think 8 more pounds & I'd feel more comfortable, but I just don't know how realistic that is given how much trouble I'm having right now. I can recall feeling this way when my weight woes began to pile on when I was about 15. I noticed I'd put on a few pounds & tried to get my eating under control so I would get on track, but somehow that never happened. My friend Ryan & I were talking just the other day about the lunches we used to eat in high school. I won't disclose his former lunches (HAHA) because this is about my past faults & current path but I can remember eating pepperoni & cheese sandwiches & on some days getting a side of fries or a cookie or some ice cream. Then there were days that I ate a turkey sandwich & I'd have some frozen yogurt & I thought I'd had a good day. Just goes to show that when you're uneducated about what food you're putting into your body what you think is "healthy" is just not. I wouldn't touch half of the stuff I used to eat with a 10 foot pole! I won't even go into what my work outs were like back then because compared to what I do now, I don't think you could even really call them work outs. I guess that's the thing about hindsight. Looking back it all seems so much clearer & you just have to hope not to repeat the mistakes.

The 3 day weekend was fantastic! It was so nice not having to go to work today & having a 4 day work week is pretty awesome too. Naturally I ate & drank a little more than normal, but I did hit the gym Saturday morning before the holiday weekend eating began so I wasn't a total waste. Tomorrow I will get back into my routine, which is always a good thing. I've gotta figure out how I'm going to attack this problem & hit it head on. My first thought is shake up the food. The body always responds better to shock than habit.

Before I go I figured I'd show a few comparison pictures to show where I'm at. I'm not gonna give up because I just don't have it in me to quit, so now it just means I've gotta work a little harder & I can do that. The other alternative is to go back to what I used to be & for me that's not even an option. Happy Memorial Day & thank you to all of our troops & veterans for their service!

March 2011...