Monday, May 30, 2011

What does it take?!

How did my 3 day weekend disappear so fast? I'm not really sure how that happened. These recent weeks have all felt like one blur after the other. This week was my favorite... weigh-in week so let's get to the results before anything else. Last month's number are in parenthesis.

Weight: 152 (152)
Waist: 30 (30)
Hips: 38 3/4 (38 3/4)
R Thigh: 20 3/4 (21)
R bicep: 10 1/2 (10 1/4)
Shoulders: 38 3/4 (39)
Body Fat: 26.2% (26.4%)

Obviously there hasn't been much of a change so I was pretty upset on Tuesday. I am convinced that once I hit that 152 bench mark my body says, "STOP! Sorry, you're not allowed to weigh any less!" It's just unfair. Joe tried to be positive and remind me that I lost a pound of fat & about an inch, but somehow that still didn't make me feel better. What kills me is I'm so particular about my food! I prepare most of my own stuff & I limit my carbs, I don't eat fatty foods & my weight still refuses to move down! Maybe the fact that I eat pretty much the same food week in and week out has something to do with it? Maybe my lack of sleep during the week is effecting my body? Maybe I could do more cardio? I really don't know, and unfortunately Joe didn't have many more answers for me.  So he proceeded to kill me with a primarily upper body/core work out... 4 days later my arms were still sore!

I felt so defeated Tuesday night I just wanted to cry. When you struggle with something and then work really hard and nothing changes it's hard.  I understand that I have less weight to lose now so I'm not going to drop a lot each month, but I am not content at 152.  

I realize this is an issue I've gotta work out with myself. How thin is thin enough? I look at myself & think 8 more pounds & I'd feel more comfortable, but I just don't know how realistic that is given how much trouble I'm having right now. I can recall feeling this way when my weight woes began to pile on when I was about 15. I noticed I'd put on a few pounds & tried to get my eating under control so I would get on track, but somehow that never happened. My friend Ryan & I were talking just the other day about the lunches we used to eat in high school. I won't disclose his former lunches (HAHA) because this is about my past faults & current path but I can remember eating pepperoni & cheese sandwiches & on some days getting a side of fries or a cookie or some ice cream. Then there were days that I ate a turkey sandwich & I'd have some frozen yogurt & I thought I'd had a good day. Just goes to show that when you're uneducated about what food you're putting into your body what you think is "healthy" is just not. I wouldn't touch half of the stuff I used to eat with a 10 foot pole! I won't even go into what my work outs were like back then because compared to what I do now, I don't think you could even really call them work outs. I guess that's the thing about hindsight. Looking back it all seems so much clearer & you just have to hope not to repeat the mistakes.

The 3 day weekend was fantastic! It was so nice not having to go to work today & having a 4 day work week is pretty awesome too. Naturally I ate & drank a little more than normal, but I did hit the gym Saturday morning before the holiday weekend eating began so I wasn't a total waste. Tomorrow I will get back into my routine, which is always a good thing. I've gotta figure out how I'm going to attack this problem & hit it head on. My first thought is shake up the food. The body always responds better to shock than habit.

Before I go I figured I'd show a few comparison pictures to show where I'm at. I'm not gonna give up because I just don't have it in me to quit, so now it just means I've gotta work a little harder & I can do that. The other alternative is to go back to what I used to be & for me that's not even an option. Happy Memorial Day & thank you to all of our troops & veterans for their service!

March 2011...
May 2011...rocking leggings & a shirt I wouldn't have been able to wear 20 pounds ago. 
This past week...trying to focus on the positive & keep at it. 

Until next time... 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Keep Moving Forward...

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted! The last 3 weeks have been hectic to say the least. My cousins were home from medical school, which is always a lot of fun, but it usually means lots of nights out and activities planned. Some of the fun things we did were go to a Yankee game followed by a trip to the best wings place on the Upper East Side (ate the HOTTEST wings of my entire life!!), went out for Cinco de Mayo, saw Thor, & had some awesome dinners. John headed back to the island last week & Chris headed to Texas for a 7 week course this morning. It's always sad when they go & I just hope the time goes by fast.

I also finished school for the semester last week & I can't even express how happy I am! My 2 take home finals zapped so much energy out of me that I'm still trying to recoop from them. It's just good knowing that I have 3 months of not having to drive to school & do homework. GLORIOUS.

My body feels like it has been put through the ringer. I haven't taken a week off from the gym since the last time Joe gave me permission to do so which was early February. I think soon it may be time for another one of those weeks. I'm afraid I'm hitting one of those God awful plateaus and my body needs some sort of a shock.

Of course Joe's idea of shocking the body is making me do 4 sets of an exercise with at least 20 reps instead of 15. I know that he knows what he's doing, but I was having a hard enough time with 15 reps and now I've gotta do 20 on most exercises. And then last week, after I could barely keep my eyes open due to several late nights of working on my finals, Joe decides to make me do the dreaded plyos work out. I literally wanted to cry. I'm sorry, I don't care what any of the fitness people out there say, I have NO reason to be doing that type of work out. I am not training for any sport or endurance type of event. I don't care how many jumping squats I can do in 1 minute. There is challenging & then there is unnecessary & to me, that is completely unnecessary. Joe's response, "Well, you don't have to do crazy cardio after." UGH. Let us hope that work out doesn't come about any time soon.

I'm pretty bored with my food, but luckily the warmer temperatures mean more grilling! Oatmeal & I are on a break right now & I'm trying to eat a half of a grapefruit or yogurt on the days that I don't eat eggs for breakfast. Lunch most days I try to avoid carbs when I can, but I do allow myself at least one sandwich to break it up a bit. Dinners are usually protein and veggies & every night before bed I have some green tea & usually some Greek yogurt. I'm not sure what it is about night time, but I LOVE late night eating. I don't need to eat pizza or anything greasy at night, but I love to eat cereal or popcorn or some ice cream or a few cookies... obviously I avoid those things, but the late night eating urge is very hard to ignore.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my younger self. I've been thinking about how being over weight made me feel like I needed to constantly cover myself up. I was content to just blend into the background because that's where I thought I belonged. I never felt like the "pretty girl" I was just the tom boy who blended in as one of the guys. I guess It's funny how things like that really stick with you. Even though I'm not the same body type I was back then or the same person I was, I feel like that stigma doesn't just vanish. The thing that I've realized over the last couple of weeks is that I've gotta find a way to make my peace with it. I am who I am now & of course my past has shaped me but it doesn't have to necessarily define me.

I can't believe tomorrow is already Monday! The weekends just go by too fast! I've got a full week ahead, but the fact that I have no homework to do & I can relax, read the books I want to read, work on my own book & catch up on stuff I've had to put off makes me very happy. I've got one more week to go before weigh in so I'm hoping for some better results this time around. Maybe all those damn salads will actually pay off! Had to throw these pictures in before I signed off...
Me at age 4... unfortunately that baby fat lingered for a lot longer than it should have... 

A few weeks ago at the Yankee game... embracing the "new" me :) 
Until next time...