Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It's the Holiday Season...

Happy Holidays to everyone! Sorry for the delay in posts but I was finishing up school for the semester and work has been exceptionally busy. At long last I am done with school until the second week of January & if I pass my finance final I will be a very happy girl. I'd also like to give a huge welcome back to my cousins who are back from med school in the caribbean for 3 weeks! And my best friend Danny, a CECB in the US Navy was granted leave for Christmas & got home this morning! Santa out did himself already!

Well, last week was my weigh in & here are the results with November's numbers in parentheses.

Hips: 41 (42)
R Thigh: 21 3/4 (22)
Waist: 32 1/4 (32 1/2)
R Arm: 11 (11 1/4)
Shoulders: 40 (40)
Body fat: 28.1% (30.8%)

In two months I'm down about 10 pounds, my body fat went from 34% down to 28.1% and I've shed around 6 inches. I have to say I'm pretty happy with those results. When you are overweight, you can feel like you will never lose that excess weight. Once you start to lose it, you feel pretty incredible, but most of us know that once you see results, that doesn't mean you can slack off.

Joe was concerned that perhaps I'm not enjoying my food as much as possible, but instead of sounding like a psycho I just said it wasn't so bad, when the real truth is I have to be tough on myself with my food otherwise I'll start to slip. When you're watching what you eat, the food can get boring after awhile. Joe suggested that maybe I try some new recipes, which I'm always up for and even offered some suggestions. For example, for lunch or dinner he recommended having a piece of pizza with a side of chicken and vegetables or salad. It basically hits all of the food groups and is a nice change of pace from the standard turkey or chicken and salad.

Now for anyone who has struggled with their weight, you know how your wardrobe changes throughout the battle. When you're overweight you wear things to hide yourself and not draw attention to your problem areas which to you usually feels like everywhere on your body. Once you start to lose weight you hate all of your old clothes because they don't fit you right or they make you look bigger than you want to look. Getting dressed becomes a problem not because you're trying to cover yourself up, but because you are trying to show off a little more of yourself so you just hate everything in your closet. Then there's the whole idea of "getting a new wardrobe" but how realistic is that? Most of us spend a long time piecing together the clothes that make up the closet, we can't just go out and purchase a whole new wardrobe.

My work outs have been full of sweat & pain. 15 is officially my least favorite number right now. Joe loves to make me do 15 reps of some of the most challenging exercises. Whatever happened to 10 or 12? Why should they be neglected?

Yesterday was no different. 15 reps on a chest press with my legs extended in the air, 15 on the bent over rows with the barbell and so on. The good thing is Joe does tend to decrease the reps in some of the sets, but needless to say by the 3rd exercise and all those reps my arms were shot. Then came the worst part... Joe thought it would be a good idea to do some core exercises with the upper body, which I figured wouldn't be so bad. WRONGO! I had to do forward AND side planks! No one should have to do forward & side planks in the same work out! I was shaking so much I could hardly hold myself up. My shoulder has been bothering me lately and I haven't said anything, but after you've had one cortisone shot it kinda lingers in the back of your mind that another one could always be necessary. I don't think I'm at that point, but one thing is for sure Icy/Hot patches are my new best friends.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic Christmas & enjoys good food and family and friends! I will probably post before the New Year after the Christmas feast. Until next time...


Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Great Escape...

As the week is winding down, I am feeling extremely burnt out. I'm used to being tired, but my energy level has pretty much bottomed out. I haven't been sleeping all that well & I know that is never good for the whole health crusade. It's the last 2 weeks of the semester, which means getting ready for finals. The thought of my finance final actually gives me chest pain. It is take home, but he has made it clear that it will be the entire semester worth of material and that it won't be easy to figure out. LOVELY.

Work has been busy to say the least & we've been down a man here & there which makes it even better. (That's sarcasm in case you were wondering) The other night in my community health care class my professor asked how we handle stress... some people said they go for a run, or they sleep, or they read the Bible... my reply : Red wine (& baseball when its in season). Since drinking large quantities of red wine isn't good for my weight loss plan, I've gotta try & deal in other ways. What I'd really like to do is take a bunch of books & my notebook, go sit on a beach for a couple days and just veg out. I wouldn't mind throwing a few massage treatments in there too :)

The whole stress thing got me thinking... so many people (myself included) turn to food in times of stress. When you're stressed all you want to do is feel better. Food tends to be a quick relatively non damaging fix that can make you feel better. How many of us have drowned our sorrows at the bottom of a pint of Hagen Daaz? Or demolished a plate of fries or cookies in the blink of an eye?  It temporarily makes us feel better & eventually we're left with extra weight that somehow makes us feel worse. Logically, most of us know that eating out of stress is only gonna do more harm than good, yet we rationalize that it's okay to feel better for a little while and pay for it later. Too many "pay for it laters" & all you're left an awfully high bill.

Okay, onto the good stuff. Tuesday was my first day back in the gym after the Thanksgiving festivities. Joe came up with a new combination of stuff for the full body work out. 15 reps is honestly his favorite thing. Damn me for having good form! I can't help but think back to a time when I had terrible form. I had a hard time doing more than one thing at the same time. I could barely do a squat, I had terrible balance & my core strength was non-existent. It makes me feel pretty good to see how far I've come. I was sweating like a whore in church and I felt like I was going through a detox. It was definitely a good, worth while feeling. Tomorrow I'm going in for another full body beating & then will return Saturday for some good ole' cardio.

While I was on the treadmill on Tuesday, I saw someone boxing with one of the other personal trainers and I found that I was staring at them. I never thought I would get into boxing considering it all started out as a joke. I REALLY miss it. I loved the challenge of it, and it was a great release. I'm hoping Santa brings me a punching bag and some boxing gloves for Christmas :)

Hope everyone has a good weekend!! Until next time...


Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving Edition...

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope that everyone enjoyed time with their family & friends & of course some good eating! Clarence, our Thanksgiving turkey was a very good bird. Yes, I like to name the turkey. After you spend time seasoning & stuffing the turkey you bond with it (mom cleans it not me) & therefore I kinda feel like it deserves a name. He cooked perfectly & I couldn't have been happier with the taste.

Before I forget, I promised a review of Rascal Flatts new CD & the new Harry Potter movie. Rascal Flatts new album "Nothing Like This" is pretty awesome. I can't say it's my favorite... I think "Unstoppable" probably wins that title. However, it's a very solid album. "Easy" which features Natasha Beddingfield is probably my favorite track with "Sunday Afternoon", "Nothing Like This" & "Red Cammaro" as my other favorites. If you're a country music fan I recommend downloading the album.

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. WOW was all I could say when I walked out of it last weekend. They did an amazing job sticking to the book, and it really was exactly how I imagined it in my head. This movie is by far the most intense and the darkest of the saga. It definitely had me at the edge of my seat & made my sister jump a few times. Really, really well done & I can't wait for part 2 in July!

Okay, so onto the quest... I currently feel like I got hit by a truck. Joe decided to change things up a bit on Tuesday & I am feeling it everywhere. We did a full body work out with a little more focus on upper body... He had me do a kneeling chest press, an alternate pull up (I had to walk my feet out in front so my legs were straight, arms were straight on a bar that was on a bench press bar & had to pull my chest to the bar), shoulder raises and bicep curls while kneeling on a bosu ball & triangle planks (hold yourself in a plank position on your forearms and then push yourself up one hand at a time and back down on your forearms). The last one in particular was absolutely awful. By the 3rd set I could only crank out 5. I pretty much dropped right on my face. Trying to do that after doing the majority of the other exercises was rough. As I went to do my cardio afterward, I couldn't help but think of how sore I was gonna be the following morning. Still, I reminded myself that you're supposed to feel that muscle soreness after working out, which was something I had missed for a long time.

Carrying Clarence fully stuffed in a heavy pan down two flights of stairs with sore arms certainly was a challenge but it was worth it. The shin splints however, were NOT worth it. I was very proud of the dinner I put out with mom's help, but I was constantly hearing Joe's voice in my head saying, "Eat small portions!" When you're the one cooking the dinner you are usually inclined to eat less because you've already spent so much time preparing the food, worrying about how it'll turn out that by the time it hits the table you don't really wanna look at it anymore. I definitely enjoyed what I ate, it was just less than everyone else at the table. Portion control is a big issue for those of us who like to eat. You tell yourself you're just gonna have a little bit of something, and then you find you're staring at it so you decide you'll just have a little bit more, and all of a sudden you've eaten way more than you intended to. That is how the vicious cycle of over eating starts. It is difficult to remind yourself that eating that little bit extra is damaging and will only make things worse. Realizing that is probably the hardest part.

Unfortunately, the rest of the week & weekend were full of activities so I didn't make it back to the gym. (Friday night saw Michael Buble <3 & Saturday hit NYC with dad & my sisters to see Promises, Promises--which I highly recommend & have dinner) Next week I'll be back in my normal work out routine so I can step it up before Christmas rolls in. Weigh in should be next week so it'll be good to get that out of the way before Christmas. Joe told me Tuesday that I look like I'm losing weight so that's definitely a good sign!

I hope that everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving & a great weekend! Until next time...


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Start Me Up...

First order of business... there are a few things I need to bitch about. Last week was absolute HELL. The office was insanely busy, which meant cranky patients, cranky staff all of which wasn't helped by the fact that we were short staffed. I'm just curious if people think coming up to the window 5 times to be rude to the receptionists is going to help anything? It just felt like we couldn't do anything fast enough, couldn't get ahead with anything... by Thursday night I wanted to take a big straw & stick it in a double magnum of red wine. Factor school into this equation & I wanted to scream. The end of the semester is full of the nonsense professors try to cram in before classes wrap up & then there is the annoyance of trying to register for the next semester.

Although the icing on the cake happened this morning. I was at the drive thru at Dunkin Donuts waiting patiently to order my coffee & as I approached the window I noticed my order was waiting at the window. This wouldn't seem strange except the person in front of me decided that she wouldn't use the standard talk into the box to place your order method. She waited until she got up to to the window so the cashier would be unprepared for her to place an order. This held up the line even more. I was absolutely enraged! Who goes to a drive thru and does something like that? There should be a sign displaying drive thru edict because clearly some people have no idea how to properly utilize a drive thru!

Okay... rant is over. So after putting up some good numbers at the weigh in last week, I was feeling pretty determined to improve for next month. I got in the newly revised full body work out on Thursday & then did a cardio work out on Friday. Yesterday we went through a core work out. For those of you who have never done a core work out do not for one second think because you aren't lifting heavy weights that it is easy. Personally, I think core is much more difficult than weight lifting. I had to put my forearms on a bosu ball (that's half a stability ball with a flat hard rubber bottom) and hold up my entire body weight for a minute. Doesn't sound so bad? I dare you to try it. Next I had to hold myself up on one arm... and since I was reminded we have two sides I got to do it on the other side next. Absolutely awful. There is no satisfaction in doing those. Talk about dripping sweat. There were a total of 5 core exercises followed up by some treadmill time. By the time I walked out of there, every part of my clothes were sticking to me. I suppose that's a sign that the mission was accomplished.

Today my entire body hurts, but it's the good kind of hurt. I won't get back into the gym until Friday, & I'm planning on doing a full body work out with some core added in. Saturday will probably be a cardio day... yay. I miss boxing so much that I asked for a punching bag for Christmas :)

Food has been good although I am so fed up with oatmeal, chicken, salad, chicken, oatmeal, & did I mention chicken? I probably should be eating a little more than I have been, but I've been so busy I usually just postpone it. It usually takes me more than the morning to finish my coffee so that's just an idea how the rest of the day goes. Food gets boring & sometimes it's hard to come up with new & exciting HEALTHY alternatives. While I'm on the hunt for some new stuff, I will deal with having to eat the boring healthy stuff because it helps the whole process along. Why couldn't there be no calories in bagels? Or cream cheese?

I still can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week. I finalized my menu on Monday night and pasta making commences on Sunday. I've always loved Thanksgiving... we get to combine our Italian traditions with a classic American holiday. Even though it's a lot of work, I really do enjoy cooking for Thanksgiving. I do not enjoy having to go to work the day after though. Back in the day, mom & I used to hit the mall & do a bulk of Christmas shopping on Black Friday. Believe it or not, we always hit it just right & never got caught in any kind of rush. I would definitely prefer to be doing that than be at work, but this is all part of being a grown up... ICK.

I'm glad tomorrow is Thursday... that means the week is almost over! The other night I purchased my Harry Potter tickets for me, dad, & 2 of my sisters! So excited! Deathly Hallows was my favorite book in the Potter saga. Also gonna preview the new Rascal Flatts cd tomorrow. Definitely looking forward to that. I'll report back on both. The one thing I've been thinking about the past few days other than Derek Jeter's contract negotiations is the spa in the Borgata hotel in AC. It is like a little piece of paradise. After an amazing massage they have this room with 2 big jacuzzis, a steam room & lounge chairs all around as if you were sitting at a pool. Total relaxation. I'll just keep pretending I'm there instead of here.
Until next time... 


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hips Don't Lie...

It's pretty hard to believe this week is almost over already. Last weekend is kind of a blur with all the sadness of Bill's passing. Mom & I headed out to Long Island on Saturday to pay our respects. I still don't believe that he's gone, but there is one thing I do know & that is that I'm so lucky to have had him in my life. There's that quote about how people come into your life & you know right away they were meant to be there... that's how it was for me with Bill & probably everyone else in the Wildwood crew. He won't ever be forgotten.

Well this week was the week of truth... my first weigh in and measurement check since I started my new work out regime. Scales make me nervous... It's easy to say the numbers don't matter, but in this present society when you're a female more when it comes to weight is definitely NOT better.

The first round of measurements were done on October 5th and the second were done November 9th. The October numbers are in parenthesis.

Body Fat 30.8% (31.8%)
Hips 42 (42 1/2)
Thigh 22 (22 1/2)
Waist 32 3/4 (33 1/2)
Right Bicep 11 1/4 (11 1/2)
Shoulders 40 (41)

After BMI calculations etc turns out I lost a total of 3 inches and over 2lbs of fat!! My weight is down 5 pounds, which goes to show despite putting on some muscle, I'm still shedding the unwanted pounds. I was definitely very pleased with the results. I know that I still have a long way to go, but it's nice to see that the hard work is paying off. A girl has to eat a lot of chicken to achieve those numbers.

Tuesday's training session was a full body work out, but modified from the first time Joe put me through it. I made it through round 2 a lot better than round 1. Cardio after that was not so fun, but I forced myself. It feels really good to be going in the right direction again. Clothes are starting to feel better, so that is usually a tell tale sign that something is going right. It's still a battle every day when I force myself to eat oatmeal instead of picking up a bagel with cream cheese on my way to work. I know this whole thing would be easier if I didn't have such a deep love for chocolate, but alas it's a flaw I just can't shake.

Through all this though I find that while I feel extremely motivated I most definitely miss boxing. It was such a big accomplishment for me to get coordinated enough to punch and move at the same time that I really looked forward to the challenge of doing harder punch combinations. It's been nearly 3 months since I've put the gloves on, and the urge to hit something is pretty strong. I've been told I have a lot of pent up rage, but we all have to find out outlets so I think I'll be asking for a heavy bag for Christmas :)

Tomorrow I'll be back at the gym and I plan on getting in there over the weekend. My short term goal is to drop at least another 5 before Christmas, but I think I'll be a little greedy and hope for a little more! With a lot of hard work & a little luck I just may get the Jessica Biel body I've been hoping for.

One final note... I heard this on the radio today & I thought I was hallucinating because I was half asleep but apparently the New Kids on the Block & the Backstreet Boys are teaming up for a concert?! Turns out... it's the truth..
The Right Stuff & I Want It That Way at the same concert?! Heaven for a boyband lover. I do hope they come to NJ or NYC :) 

Until next time! 


Tuesday, November 2, 2010


It's good to be back! Sorry for the delay in posts, but the past 2 weeks have been kinda crazy. Between midterms, the gym, and work and the baseball playoffs I've been going non-stop. I'm sad to say my Yankees didn't make it past game 6 of the ALCS, which naturally didn't sit well with me. They got outplayed by Texas, & it was good to see two really deserving teams like Texas & San Francisco make it to the World Series. I will say though that the high light of the ALCS for me at least was sitting and watching Game 5 with my dad. Yankees played awesome that night & I felt like a little kid again just sitting there with him even though I know more about baseball now than he does :)

I made it through midterms... by some miracle I passed finance & I rocked my community health midterm! I wish I could say I had a bit of a break until finals, but that would be highly unrealistic. It's flu season at work, which means a busy office which is a good thing but sometimes the chaos is overwhelming especially when the next day off in sight is Thanksgiving.

Workouts have been going well. Last week I was on my own because my trainer had an event to go to the night of our normally scheduled session. I definitely feel like I am pushing myself more than I have in awhile. Joe suggested that I do my cardio after I lift, which normally would've been the last thing I wanted to do & even though I LOATHE cardio, it's honestly not so bad. I definitely think that is helping me.

Tonight we focused on the lower body. I'm not gonna lie... I was kinda nervous for it. Considering after my upper body work out I couldn't put my hair up in a pony tail for almost 2 days, I was imagining that I wouldn't be able to sit for almost 2 days. Luckily, it wasn't quite so bad. I did squats with a 20 lb straight barbell across my chest, one leg leg presses, straight leg dead lifts with a 20 lb barbell and hip extensions on a stability ball. I was very thankful that Joe realized that any more exercises than that would've completely killed me. I was just glad that my knee held up through it all because that was another worry in the back of my mind. He had me finish up with some cardio, but reminded me to take it easy due to the fact that my legs were feeling like jello. Needless to say, that was one of the most challenging treadmill workouts I've had in quite awhile. When you feel like you can't get your legs underneath you, it makes it pretty difficult to feel like you are in a good stride. I was able to walk off the treadmill in one piece which is really all I can ask. There was a guy next to me on the treadmill and he was running with such ease and I have to say I just wanted to smack him. How do people do that? Just looking at him made me feel tired and he was running like it was nothing at all. I have accepted that I will never be one of those people, but kudos to him for doing it so well.

Food has been good. This time of year is when it really starts to get hard. We do a lot of pre-holiday baking in my house to try things out before the holidays and it is very difficult to steer clear of the sweets. Still, I have been really good and watching my carb intake. Lots of eggs and veggies! Although I have to say, I'm at the point where I'm ready to divorce oatmeal. I can barely get it down these days, but I keep reminding myself it's all for the greater good. I've also had it with chicken, but I know for my best interest I can't give it up. Next week should be time for remeasuring and a weight check so I'll have a better idea of where I'm at. Clothes are feeling good. Pants that felt a little snug a few weeks ago are feeling great now. I guess that has to be a sign that I'm doing something right.

Before I sign off, I would like to mention the loss of a truly amazing man who touched so many lives just by being a part of them... Bill Waldron. You were such a big part of my childhood & you made all of us in the crew feel like one of your own kids. I am grateful that I had the pleasure of spending so many summers around you.  You will never be forgotten by me or by anyone else who's life you touched. We will never be the same without our fearless leader, but we will do our best to keep alive what you helped create... a group that loves spending time together & comes together when it matters the most. R.I.P. <3

Busy next couple of days... how is it November already? I'm definitely going to be looking forward to gaining an hour of sleep this weekend. Until next time...


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Making Strides...

I can't believe it's already the middle of October! Where does the time go? Last night I went to see the Goo Goo Dolls at the Wellmont Theater in Montclair with my cousin. UNREAL. Getting to see them in a small theater setting was really cool. It felt like we were right on top of them. They have been one of my favorite bands for 15 years now and like my cousin said even all these years later songs of theirs that we liked at age 10, 12, 15 we still love now. That's the mark of a good band.

I'm happy to say despite my intense soreness after my full body work out last Tuesday I was able to lift again... just not until Saturday morning. I'm proud that I pushed myself, but I probably should've said something at the time. There's pushing yourself and then there's taking it too far and being sore for 3 days is taking it too far.

I think what makes this whole thing even more difficult is that I'm working with someone that's trying to get to know me, and I'm trying to get him. I don't want to seem like I'm complaining or trying to tell him how to do his job, but at the same time I know myself slightly better. After going back and forth over it in my head several times, tonight when I saw Joe I told him how sore I'd been and that maybe doing arms and legs for EVERY exercise was probably not the best way to go since I need to function in a reasonable amount of time. Luckily, he was really cool about it. He agreed that I definitely shouldn't be sore for that long and that we could definitely modify the work out so that I wasn't in so much pain, which I greatly appreciated. We did mostly an upper body work out but also focused on using the core, but I do think lifting my arms to put my hair up in a pony tail is going to be a problem tomorrow. At least I can sit to pee without any problems.

I wrote down my measurements and body fat that got taken 3 weeks ago. As much as I hate numbers I figured it was probably a good idea to post them so I can see the progress...

Body Fat: 31.8%
Hips: 42 1/2 inches
Right Thigh: 22 1/2 inches
Waist: 33 1/2 inches
Shoulders: 41 inches
Right Bicep: 11 1/2 inches

My best numbers were 2 years ago... body fat was 23.5 %, hips were 39, waist was the same as were my thighs and biceps. Today when I checked my body fat it was down to 30.4% so I gotta take that as a good sign that I'm doing something right! Still have a long way to go, but I'll definitely take the progress. My current schedule doesn't help me get into the gym any more often, but I'm making a good effort. As much as I don't like the numbers, they have been a lot worse and they can only improve!

Well, Game 4 of the ALCS is giving me chest pain. We started off so well and it went down hill so quick. Our bats aren't coming alive when we need them to and our pitching can't seem to hold it all together. To make matters worse, Mark Teixeira suffered a hamstring injury tonight & I'm not a doctor, but I can tell you it didn't look pretty. We certainly don't need him out, but it looks like that might be the case. Yankees are mustering an 8th inning rally! Time to go cheer on my boys! Until next time...


Thursday, October 14, 2010

No Pain No Gain?

 Sorry for the delay in posts but things have been pretty crazy. Flu shot season is in full swing & it just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to get stuff done. Add school into that and I'm completely spent. On a happy note, the Yankees have advanced to the second round of the playoffs & start off the ALCS tomorrow night in Texas! I <3 October baseball.

The past two days I've felt exceptionally cranky... Yesterday I left the house at 7:30am--we had a full schedule at work and I was trying to accomplish about 5 different things at once. When I finally got to my desk, I realized I was going to have to bill out 94 people without any papers to go off of (we were trying an experiment of using the sheets in the computer for billing as opposed to the paper ones... with 94 patients that's nearly impossible). I left for school at 5 and had a lovely finance midterm to take. My entire body hurt from the workout I did Tuesday and I had to sit in a desk made for a high school freshman for over 2 hours and take the most ridiculous midterm ever. 2 hours wasn't enough time and I felt like I was speeding through it trying to finish the questions. Got detoured on the way home (stupid road pavers) so I pulled into my garage at 8:47 pm.  UGH. All I wanted was a stack of pancakes to ease my woes, but alas I had a bowl of oatmeal instead. Oatmeal and I have a very close relationship these days, but I'm at the point that I'd prefer to throw it across the kitchen instead of eat it. Today was equally as crazy, but without the midterm, but a visit to Happy Hour with Michelle definitely made it better :)

Last week kicked off my new work out program and Tuesday night was part 2 of the new workout regime.  I happen to enjoy a full body work out, but when I say lifting my arms to put my hair in a pony tail right now is painful I kid you not. 3 sets of squats & rows (15 reps), step ups on a bench one leg and shoulder press with 10 lb. weight 3 sets (15, 12, 12), 3 sets of dead lifts with a 15 lb. barbel (15 reps), and then 3 sets of lunges with a 10 lb. press (15 reps). I was sweating like a whore in church and with almost no recovery time I'm not really sure how I made it through that. I'm trying to be open minded... new gym, new work out programs and the trainer they paired me up with is nice & definitely knows his stuff... but I have to be honest, I wanted to scream "SLOW DOWN!" but I figured yelling at someone that hasn't known me for more than a week would probably not be a good idea.

I really think the number of reps is what did me in. The exercises were good, but when you're doing single leg and single arm and you have to do 15 reps on EACH side it becomes tiring pretty fast. All you crazy weight lifting people can stop laughing at me now. I enjoy weight lifting a lot, but all those reps and all the pressure on my knee not good times. Most guys I know don't do THAT many leg exercises and they don't have to sit to pee. Needless to say I had some bonding time with an ice pack when I got home.

Today I went back to the gym...but there was no way I could do all that lifting again so I settled for some time on the treadmill. 12 minutes and for the first time I did 5 intervals (30 second running) and the rest I was walking at a max of 6 degrees on the incline. I burned 108 calories and then did some ab work before calling it a night. Hopefully tomorrow I'm not as sore and can get another lifting routine in. Food has been good... definitely not feeling as hungry as often which is always a good thing. Still thinking about those pancakes... such quality late night food.

All I can take from that pain and sweat is that soon enough I'll start to see some results. They just showed a commercial for pancakes... that's just the universe laughing at me again. So ready for the weekend. Until next time...


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Here I Go Again...

Let me start off this blog by welcoming home one of my best friends from his five long months at Navy boot camp & electrician training!! So proud of you Danny & even better to have you home even if it is for a short stay!

Also, a big congratulations to my friend and co-worker Lauren and her husband John and their new addition...the adorable Braeden! I look forward to the pictures of the little guy every day. It really is amazing how a baby can just brighten your day.

Okay, so now down to business. I've been getting tons of suggestions from all the way down in the caribbean to right here at home about what I can do to lose the weight I need to lose. I appreciate all the advice and tips. Let me be clear. I am not looking for a quick fix. This is a LIFESTYLE. Yes, I seem to have lost my way a bit over the past several months, but I haven't veered off track completely and I can get back to where I need to be. I am aware that eating less is a way to lose weight, but I am not a believer in just eating a piece of fruit for breakfast and a yogurt for lunch. When your body goes into starvation mode and yes, for most people who eat that way that's what happens, your metabolism shuts down and stops burning fat. I don't need my metabolism to be slowed down any more than it already is.

I may work in an office, but I certainly don't sit down ALL day. I'm up and down the stairs several times, reaching and bending for charts so being stationary isn't something that happens for long periods of time. Even when I'm home, I'm up and down the stairs, bustling around the kitchen, cleaning (which you can burn close to 100 calories just by doing moderate housework) so I don't come home and constantly lay around even though I'd like to.

I joined a new gym in town... Retro Fitness and I have to say, it's nice to be in a gym where there are actually people! It's always a little strange going into a new place where you have no idea where anything is or what the general vibe of that place is. Saturday I went in to do a work out which was good. I signed up for the complimentary fitness evaluation that is part of the welcome package they offer. The GM of the trainers was really cool and I like the over view he gave me of what they try to do there. To my complete joy he showed me statistical evidence that shows that doing excessive or primarily cardio for a work out is NOT the way to keep weight off. Weight training and nutrition are the best ways to get rid of unwanted weight with some cardio that requires you to hit your target heart rate. THAT made me feel so much better considering I loathe cardio and love lifting. I'm a little bit out of the loop, but I think this was a really good change for me and in no time I'll be back in the full swing of things. I'll be keeping track of my work outs over the next month so I'm definitely gonna try to post them as a way of keeping track of my progress.

It's time to take back control over my life and my body and considering this former fat girl doesn't want to go back to trying to cover herself up and hiding, change is gonna come. This is my fitness icon...yes, it's Jessica Biel (don't laugh) but the girl is toned and slim. She has an athletic yet feminine look to her which is exactly what I want. Her body is killer in "Blade Trinity" so that will be my inspiration.

Got a busy weekend ahead, but I'm looking forward to it. October baseball is on the horizon! Yankees clinched a playoff spot...they're just waiting to see if they win the division or the wild card. I'm crossing my fingers for the division. Maybe by then, the pitching staff will have sorted themselves out and if Girardi knows anything he will NOT start AJ Burnett in the division. Him and Vazquez are such a mess I think they must pick up on each other's bad habits.

Look for work out reports next week. I'm officially exhausted so I'm packing it in for the night. Until next time.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

No Time Left For Losing...

Another weekend has come to a close and another week has started. I've been getting suggestions from people to keep track of my weight and measurements as well as keep a food diary. I've done the food diary thing many times in my day and I don't really mind it. I do hate the idea of recording my weight. Look, I know that it's only a number, that weight is just my relationship with gravity, but to be honest, gravity and I have had mostly a hate relationship. I'm also a believer that the number doesn't necessarily mean anything because for those of us that want to be muscular (and not in the body builder kind of way), we're going to weigh more because of the muscle. That being said, I am not under the delusion that I can weigh 180 pounds because I want to be muscular. But I know that I will never weigh 130 pounds and even 135 might be pushing it because I'm a tall, muscular girl. As long as I can give off the appearance of 135 or 130 I'll be happy.

Sunday I headed down to south Jersey for my great aunt's birthday. I was getting ready to leave and as I was drying my hair I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I almost dropped the hair dryer. I felt like my skin was just hanging off the sides of my shirt over the top of my pants and I literally had a melt down. I almost started to cry because I couldn't understand why this is happening. I did a really dumb thing and got on the scale yesterday morning and I think the number still had me rattled and that made me even more upset. I went back in my room and changed my shirt to something that covered me up slightly better and all I could think was, "I can't get back to a place where I'm covering myself up." It's a very scary thing and for those of you who know what I'm talking about, you understand the fear.

I am fortunate for the most part to have a good support system around me. My best friend Michelle reminded me how far I've come and that I will always see myself with imperfect eyes. That's probably true. For me, my weight is always going to be an obstacle. Even once I get to where I wanna be I'm always going to have to fight to keep it, and I guess that's okay.

Today was good with food. I made myself eggs for breakfast, had some salad and chicken for lunch, had an apple and a piece of cheese before hitting the gym... I managed 10 minutes on the stair master at level 3 and all I could think about while I climbed was how much I HATE that machine. Then I had the brilliant idea to go on the new elliptical, which by the way is a lot harder than the old one. Within 2 minutes, my legs felt like jello but I kept on trucking thanks to "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna :) I finished with 3 sets of abs before going home to cook. Made some pasta with sausage, peas and some melted mozzarella as a change of pace. Not eating at night is hard, but I'm staying away from food after dinner unless it's an apple.

Last night was the premiere of Dancing With the Stars and every season I watch it I always think about how much I want to learn to ballroom dance. I LOVE the Latin dances. I don't know how I'd feel about someone throwing me around a dance floor but it always looks like so much fun! Not to mention great exercise! One of these days maybe I'll find someone to dance with and go take lessons. If the Situation can do it, I should be able to do it too!

Tomorrow is gonna be brutal...full day at work then class from 6-8 which means not getting home until around 830. AWFUL. Thankfully, my Yankees are now 2 1/2 games up on Tampa Bay. They still have 2 games left against them before Boston. I would just be happy if we could clinch already. By the way, I gotta take a second to shout out "Boardwalk Empire", HBO's new series which is occupying my "True Blood" void. Really, really good show and I'm saying that after one episode. Can't wait til Sunday night. Okay, way past my bed time! Until we meet again...


Thursday, September 16, 2010

To Be Who You Is, You Gotta Be Who You Are...

Let me start off by saying there is a lot of awesome new music out right now, which is making life a little more tolerable. The Goo Goo Dolls new CD "Something for the Rest of Us" is a really good listen. With the exception of two tracks I love it. It's nowhere near "Dizzy Up the Girl", but it's slowly creeping into second place. Sara Bareilles, one of my favorite female piano players/singer/songwriters new CD Kaleidoscope Heart is also a good listen. I've only listened through about four times and while I like her first CD "Little Voice" better, there are still some really awesome tracks on it. Michael Buble's new single "Hollywood" is one of those songs that you find yourself tapping your foot to without even realize it. I'm definitely looking forward to new music from Maroon 5 and Rascal Flatts in the near future. Music really makes the day a lot better.

School and work have been crazy and I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get stuff done. I really like my managing community healthy systems class... I actually feel like I can apply some of work experience to the class. My financial management class is a nightmare. My brain just doesn't compute numbers very well and to try and do that at 6 o'clock at night after I've been at work all day is not a good situation. Luckily, my friend Joe teaches finance so he's been really helpful. I can write papers or read book after book, but numbers and I aren't friends. Hopefully Joe will be able to translate for me, otherwise I'm in trouble.

So the stair master is my new best friend. I hate it but I'm trying to love it. On Tuesday I managed to do 10 minutes on there which if you've ever been on a stair master you know feels like a lot longer. I decided to do a full body work out after that which was good...tiring but I felt good. Today I managed another 10 minutes but at level 3. I get through it by reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels on my Kindle while I climb and I tell myself it will all pay off in the end. I followed up with 10 minutes on the treadmill and some abs. I also hit one of the standing heavy bags in the aerobics room for a few minutes but it didn't feel as good as when I hit the focus mitts. I need to find a new boxing partner because I am missing it like crazy. I never thought I would love boxing as much as I do but it's such a rush to hit something stationary that can't hit you back. I've been told I may have some rage issues but I just chalk it up to good old fashioned aggression.

I've been working really hard to control my sugar intake. It's soooo hard! You'd be surprised how much sugar is in things you'd never think. I've been eating oatmeal with just a bit of brown sugar and LOTS of chicken. I wish I could get into cottage cheese, but I just don't like it. I LOVE the Greek yogurt I eat, but I'm trying not to eat it as often given the fact that it has at least 13 grams of sugar. Apparently lemon juice helps burn calories and just a few drops in water can help get the job done so I've been doing that too.

I wish I could just flip a switch and not love food so much, but it's just not possible. I wish that I didn't love to cook so much, but it is what it is and I've just gotta deal. There are just so many things I wanna make right now. It's coming into apple season so I wanna make apple pie and apple crisp. I also wanna learn how to make potato soup and chicken murphy. So I'll make the various sacrifices that I have to so I can enjoy just a little bit of those culinary delights!

A guy came into work yesterday and he was cute and I couldn't help but notice he was in good shape, but he had a very small waist and all I could think about what how I'd have to never eat again to have a waist that small. Sometimes I feel like guys only like girls with perfect bodies, but I'd like to hope that's not true. Still, I'm determined to work hard and look better than I do. It's good to have goals!

Well, I'm definitely ready for the weekend. I'm hoping the Yankees can take the series in Baltimore and regain their spot in first place. Everyone needs to step it up. I can't believe the season is winding down. I do love October baseball, but I hate to see it end. I'm gonna try to get some pictures up soon. I know it's been awhile... Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! Until next time...


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Come Back Summer...

It has unfortunately slipped into that time of year when school starts again and the weather starts to get cooler. YUCK. I don't hate the fall, that would be the wrong thing to say, but the fall leads into the winter and that is something I'm not a fan of. I like football season and I LOVE October baseball, but the thought of the summer being behind me is never a good thought. Not to mention, Chris and John headed back to the caribbean and don't come back until December :( I'm sure the time will go by quickly, but right now it feels like an eternity. It was so great having them home. Last week we headed to the city twice--once for lunch at Circo which was really nice and then we went in Thursday night and visited Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, which was also really good. The weekend was full of BBQs which went perfectly with the nice weather. Nothing better than sitting outside on a deck with good food, good company and comfortable temperatures.

It's definitely been challenging watching my diet the past week due to all the going out to dinner and BBQs and my mom's birthday. I made sure to go to the gym on Saturday morning and got a full work out in. I took my mom to breakfast afterward and I refrained from eating French toast and settled for an omelette and some oatmeal. Saturday night, I didn't eat any bread at dinner and just had a bite of cake for good luck. Sunday was my biggest challenge. I was at a BBQ and I'd done well all day...but then during the "after hours" part, out came the potato chips and cheetos...not just any cheetos but crunchy cheetos. For anyone who is a fan of cheetos you know just how easily you can go from "I'm just gonna have a few" to the entire bowl is gone. I am proud to say that after much debate I decided not to put my hands anywhere near those bowls. I know how awful they are for me and God knows how many chemicals are in those things but let's be honest, they taste really good. Some people may not understand the harm in having "a few" but if you're a weight battler you know exactly why a "few" can become a very BIG problem.

Monday night as I was winding down from the weekend, watched the "Real Housewives of NJ" reunion part 2 (gotta love the TV drama!) and then caught Bravo's new series "Thintervention" with celebrity trainer Jackie Warner. I tend to be slightly obsessed with Bravo reality shows and back a few years ago Jackie Warner had her own show called "Work Out" which showed how she and her staff trained their clients blah blah. To be honest, Jackie is a bit of a drill sergeant, but she deals with a lot of obese people and I suppose she knows that being tough is the only way to get things done. Her methods do seem to work, but only when the clients actually listen to what she tells them to do.

On this show, she has a bunch of clients that are setting out to lose at least 30lbs and some people more. Her first assignment to them is to get rid of all the sugar in their house. Anything with more than 4 grams of sugar has to get tossed. One of the guys is a sugar addict so he really struggles with it and I have to say I can completely identify with that. I LOVE sugar. Sugar is in just about everything and it is really hard to cut out completely. I have to say though, it definitely got me thinking... if I can cut out at least half of the sugar I'm currently consuming that just may help my cause. I will try to follow Jackie's rule and keep it to 4 grams and under. That is a big step for me, but I'm willing to do it.

I had a really good work out today. I did 18 minutes on the treadmill and then I decided to hit the stair master, a machine I haven't gone near in years. 5 minutes on that thing is like 20 minutes on a treadmill! I challenged myself and would skip steps or let it go down farther before stepping up again. Definitely worked up a sweat. After that, I decided to do a full body work out. I was tired after, and my knees were definitely feeling the effects of the cardio, but overall I felt good. No pain, no gain, right? I'll deal with the knee pain for the time being.

I haven't boxed in over a month and I've gotta be honest, I miss it terribly. My boxing buddy has been otherwise engaged with other things so I've had nothing to hit. I think it's about time I get myself a heavy bag. I like hitting the pads better because you have more motion not only with the punches but with your entire body, but hitting something is better than nothing. I'm definitely gonna have to look into that.

Tomorrow I've got a long day ahead of all day and then class for 2 hours. Fun times. I probably won't get to the gym until Friday, but that's my goal. Until then I'll be watching my sugar and increasing the cardio. A necessary evil. Until next time...


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Take It To the Limit

I have hit an all time frustration level this week. I can't stand liars nor can I stand being accused of lying. As a result, I am now fired up. I've basically been accused of lying about my current weight and now I am on a mission like never before. I have been saying for awhile that I'm not happy with how I look. Maybe I was eating too many calories in a given day? Maybe I wasn't pushing myself hard enough in my work outs? It makes no difference now because I'm changing everything.

I stopped my morning and afternoon snack (unless I'm going to the gym I'll have some fruit or a yogurt beforehand). I stopped having a cocktail before dinner so all I'm drinking is alcohol. The other night we had a family outing for Chinese food and I LOVE the noodles they put on the table to be dunked in duck sauce and I did not have ONE noodle. My meals have consisted of oatmeal for breakfast or eggs, chicken and salad for lunch, and then protein of some sort for dinner. I stopped eating after dinner too. I made it to the gym twice this week due to all the stuff going on with my cousins being home from medical school and several family members' birthdays. I'm trying to make cardio my focus as well as abs, but I just can't stay on a treadmill or bike much past 20 minutes. The new gym I joined has some good classes like cardio kickboxing and zumba. Unfortunately, the gym is undergoing some renovations and I've gotta wait another week before I can get in there. Luckily, my membership at my old gym is standing for a few more weeks so I still have a place to work out.

All I know is that I'm being more disciplined than I have in a long time. Today I was over my dad's for Sunday dinner and we had steaks, baked potatoes and salad for dinner. I opted to pass on my potato and I had no cheese when it came time for fruit and cheese. I had a half a scoop of this new ice cream flavor I made instead of having a bowl of it and when I came home I didn't eat anything. It's time to get the lingering weight off and if that means I've gotta be strict for the time being then that's what I'll do. I've always hated all the focus my family has put on weight my entire life, but I'm at the point where I won't back down from a challenge.

I had some negative comments after my last blog post and all I can say is I knew when I put myself on a public blog such as this that I was opening myself up to people that might not share my opinion, which is completely fine. If you have never battled with your weight, I suggest that you take a step back before you open your mouth to criticize. On the outside looking in it may appear to be relatively uncomplicated, but I guarantee if you've walked in these shoes you know how complicated it can be.

Tomorrow I'm only working half day (YESS!!) and then I'll be heading into the city with my cousins for restaurant week. Some of the really well known restaurants in the city participate in restaurant week so that lunch is $24 each instead of costing the usual prices. I still plan on sticking to my strictness at least to the best of my ability tomorrow. It's supposed to be another nice day so I'm really looking forward to going in and enjoying a nice afternoon. School starts up for me again this week (Boo!!) but it's an unavoidable thing. I am officially on a mission so hopefully this fire keeps me going.
Until next time...


Sunday, August 22, 2010

No Easy Way Out

It's been a long week, but I'm happy to say Chris and John have FINALLY returned from medical school!! They've been gone for about 4 months but some how it seems longer than that. It's just good to have them around again.

The downfall to that though is all the big dinners and going out we do for the 2 weeks while they're home. Don't get me wrong, it's really fun, but my waist line certainly doesn't appreciate it. Not to mention my dad, my sister and my grandma's birthdays are all this week coming up so that means more dinners out than normal... oh and my mom's birthday is the week after. I know that I have to really try to watch myself over the next 2 weeks but I also know that I have to enjoy it a little bit too.

Over the past couple of weeks I haven't been feeling very happy with myself and how I look. Maybe it's just a complex I have, but I'm incredibly frustrated. I made a really good coffee chip ice cream and the other night I was looking at the container of it on the counter. I was staring down into it thinking about how I could polish off that entire container without even thinking about it, but I opted to just have a spoonful. I definitely think about the food I could be eating or that I'd like to eat, but then I snap back to reality and remember that since I'm a former fat girl it just can't happen.

I have to take the time to mention that my 14-year-old sister commented on my last blog entry and gave me some suggestions that might help me drop the bit of weight that I'm complaining about. She just recently dropped about 15 pounds in the past 3 months and I'm really proud of her because I know how hard it can be especially for us girls that like to eat! While I appreciate the suggestions I have to say that there is a big difference in a 14-year-old's body and a 25-year-old's body. How many of you ladies out there around this age see those teeny boppers with perfect bodies that make you want to puke? Not to mention, our lives are completely different.

When I was her age, I was home all day during the summer so there was more time to exercise, etc. Now it's completely different... I leave the house early, work a full day and sometimes depending on the day, don't get home again until almost 8 pm. It definitely becomes more challenging as you get older because you don't have the free time that you used to and you're definitely more tired at the end of the day. Another difference is that I drink and she doesn't. I am not a heavy drinker by any means, but I have wine almost every night--at least one glass. Some nights I'll have a cocktail followed by wine at dinner, or if I happen to go out and have a drink with one of my friends that also makes a difference. Over the past 2 weeks, I have cut back on my cocktail intake... I try to only have one if I am out to dinner and just opt for wine. Those are added calories that a 14-year-old doesn't worry about. Still, I love the fact that my sister took the time to read my blog and offer suggestions... they are definitely very appreciated :)

I also have the pleasure of having a naturally slow metabolism... if I don't stimulate my metabolism it will completely shut down which is why I eat several small meals a day. Friday morning for example, I made scrambled eggs, had a yogurt for snack, had salad for lunch, followed up by some watermelon before I left the office. Dinner was... well, minus the appetizers we had for the table... pretty decent. I had some turkey chili which was awesome as always followed by some roasted chicken with a balsamic glaze, which was very well done. I ate no potatoes, had no bread and no dessert. If I ate every time I was hungry I'd be as big as a house, but I also don't like eating a lot at one time, which is why I'm also a fan of eating smaller meals. I would love to be more active, but there just isn't as much time for it as I'd like. That's a sad reality of getting older... you really have less and less time for the things you want to do.

This weekend took an unfortunate turn. Early Saturday morning our  10 1/2 year old golden retriever Remi died. We sat with her as she took her last breath and she went peacefully. As hard as it is, I'm grateful that we were with her. I made myself go to the gym and do some other errands before Chris & John's return bash. Party was great and definitely needed after the morning I'd had. Today was my sister and my dad's birthday celebration. I don't even want to think about all the things that I ate, but everyone has to have a cheat day. Granted, over the next 2 weeks I'll have more "cheat days" than I normally do, but Chris and John are only home for a short time so I make the most of it. I'll also be back in the gym tomorrow probably doing some serious cardio and abs.

Until next time...

Monday, August 16, 2010

Cha, Cha, Cha, Cha... CHANGES!

Change, change, change... that is the most dominant word in my vocabulary right now. I've been home for a week and all I know is that things need to change. Last week, I got moved upstairs at work to start learning more and getting involved in more things. I started off downstairs, went upstairs, then came back down and now I'm back up. It's definitely a good thing that I'm moving up and starting to learn more things, but I definitely miss being downstairs. I liked dealing with people, even though patients can be a bit much at times and I liked being around the staff downstairs. The staff upstairs is great, too it's just things are a lot more quiet up there, which I don't know if I'll be able to get used to. Luckily, I do get to go downstairs here and there so I'm not completely disconnected.

I decided to leave my gym that I've been at for the past 7 years. There are new owners and the place is dead, run down and I'm just bored with it. After much considering, I decided to join a gym in Montville with my cousin, which will work out well for both of us. They have a bunch of awesome classes to take and I think it'll be good to just be somewhere new. Yoga and kickboxing is something I need in my life.

I am just not happy with my body at the present moment. I'm a former fat girl, I'm always going to have body image issues, but I've gotta be in control of this otherwise I'll be walking down a road I don't want to be on again. For the way that I eat and how I work out, I feel like there should be some more progress. I felt like I was making some awhile back, but I feel completely stagnate right now and I don't like it. Couldn't something come a little bit easy? I don't mind having to work out, I actually enjoy it, and I like eating healthy, but I've about had it with grilled chicken and salad. There are mornings I wake up and I just want to eat a bagel with cream cheese rather than scrambled eggs or a yogurt. I'd LOVE to have a really good sandwich at lunch and I would be very content with having some pasta and perhaps some kind of meat as my dinner on a nightly basis. However, I like to consider myself a realist and I know that's not something that can happen in my world.

Food was good today... whole grain English muffin with peanut butter for breakfast, yogurt for snack, chicken and salad with a little cheese and cherry tomatoes, some corn soup (made by me!) and chicken for dinner. I ended the night with a yogurt even though I wanted a big bowl of the coffee ice cream I made yesterday. Yesterday was my cooking day so I made corn soup, eggplant caponata, asparagus salad, barley salad, and chicken so I'm pretty set for the week. Unfortunately, I won't get to the gym until probably Thursday but I'm looking forward to starting at this new gym. Went in tonight and I think I'll be just fine there.

In less than 2 days my cousins will be home from medical school until Labor Day and I'm so excited I can't even express it! There is nothing like when the 4 of us are back together so I'm looking forward to some awesome dinners, good parties and just fun times! I've got my head on straight as to what I need to do to get myself in order, but a little added inspiration wouldn't hurt either. Time for bed... another long day tomorrow! Until next time!


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Hate This Place...

It pains me to say it but I'm back from vacation. Wildwood 2010 will go down as one of the best 10 days in Wildwood EVER. We had the most perfect weather that I can remember in a long time, which always makes the vacation even better. Everyone got along and just enjoyed being around each other. I would wake up every morning and look out at the beach and just think how lucky I am to have this amazing place and even more amazing people to share it with. Growing up and getting to be there every summer around that group of people has meant so much to who I am as a person. We're all so different, yet we mesh together so well and it really is a very special thing.

Okay, so down to the heart of the matter... I have said from the beginning that I am a fan of full disclosure so let me just say that I did NOT end up at the gym while on vacation. Instead, I walked half a mile on two separate mornings and worked my abs. We ended up doing a lot more walking than usual... over a mile almost every night on the boardwalk so at least I kept active.

On the mornings I ate out for breakfast I had omelets with whole wheat toast so I wasn't eating too crazy. If I cooked breakfast in the room I made cinnamon raisin French toast and would usually eat that with a yogurt for some extra protein. With the exception of a couple of days, I made myself a sandwich at lunch time so I was usually eating a Turkey BLT on whole wheat or a PBJ on whole wheat and one day I had salami which was glorious. I did accompany my sandwiches with some baked Lays which were quite good. I definitely ate less during the day than I did last year. I was definitely hungry when it was time to eat, but I wasn't snacking as much as I did last year. Dinners were pretty good for the most part... we went for Hibachi one night and I'm very proud to say I ordered a cucumber roll and ate it! The hibachi chicken I had with the veggies and rice was also very good. I did have ice cream just about every night and it was soooo good! If you can't enjoy your vacation, what's the point in all the hard work leading up to it?

I did have the benefit of getting to do some thinking while I was down the shore and I've come to the conclusion that now is the time to make some serious changes. For awhile, I've been unhappy with the gym I'm at. It's very outdated, there aren't really any personal trainers out on the floor anymore, and there's really no sign of it improving much. It has suited my purpose for the most part, but I feel like I have hit a plateau. I think I need new surroundings and different ways to push myself. Being in a bathing suit for 10 days really gave me perspective and something has to change because I put out a lot of effort and I feel like there isn't enough change. I'm just not totally happy with how I look. Being honest with yourself is hard, but if I don't do it, who will?  There are a lot of things I want for myself and getting myself in the best shape possible is one of them so it's time to do it. Even though that may mean change, I've just gotta suck it up and do it.

Well, tomorrow is my first day back at work... BOO! I already have a salad set for lunch and my gym bag is packed. Cardio will be my priority tomorrow and I'll probably do some light weight lifting as well. I hate being home and wish I could do Wildwood all over again, but I've just gotta be thankful that as always that place has given me so much. Until, next time!


Sunday, August 1, 2010

There's No Place I'd Rather Be...

There are NO words to describe how amazing it feels to be in Wildwood. Not only does being here make me feel so good, but being around this amazing group of people is what makes it even better. It's kind of hard to believe that I've been coming down here since I was five and a half months old and now I'm an old lady at 25! Ha!

One of my favorite things to do down here is walk by the beach or right on it in the morning. Since I know I'm going to be ingesting a ton of calories between food and alcohol this week it's important that I get my cardio in! I walked a little over a half of a mile yesterday morning, which was really nice. And while I am on vacation, I still try and keep myself somewhat in check. For breakfast I've been eating scrambled eggs with whole wheat toast, turkey clubs on whole wheat at lunch and my favorite Greek yogurt as a snack. Of course I've had some potato chips and ice cream in between but what's a good vacation without those things?

However, I will say seeing the girls with the perfect bodies definitely makes me feel self conscious. Sometimes I will look at myself and think I look pretty good and then I see some of these girls and I'm like, "You are definitely NOT working hard enough!" Being in a bathing suit really gives you perspective on where you're at. It can also make you really uncomfortable and if you've struggled with your weight like I have, you know what I'm talking about. I have just come to the conclusion that I will NEVER be one of those skinny girls and you know what, maybe that's okay. I like food way too much to ever be like that, but the battle is always raging on.

Today is my day off from cardio, but tomorrow I'll either walk again or go visit my gym down here. I definitely plan on getting some abs in tomorrow one way or another. Not sure what the dinner plan is for tonight... it's looking like some rain might pass through and we do tend to order in on Sunday, which I don't really mind. I have to say, I do miss cooking. This morning I whipped up some cinnamon raisin French toast which completely hit the spot. I promised my cousin John if I was going to indulge in ice cream every night I was going to have some different flavors... I'm happy to say that I have kept that promise. The first night mom and I went to Kohr brothers and yes I know it's frozen custard but it tastes just as good as ice cream! I had strawberry on a cone with chocolate sprinkles. The next night I had chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and last night I had strawberry and chocolate on the same cone with chocolate sprinkles. There are no words for how amazing that tasted. I didn't feel so bad because I walked a good distance to get the ice cream and walked back so at least I wasn't a complete blob! Tonight I'll have to get something different because I'd hate to disappoint John.

We've got some more people making their way in today so it should be a fun filled next couple of days. I probably won't blog again until I get home on August 7th. No new pictures until then. My body is gonna need a detox when I get back! It's about time for cocktail hour to commence to I gotta run back out there but I'll catch you all when I get back :)


Monday, July 26, 2010

Take Me Home...

It is officially upon me... the week leading up to Wildwood! It's pretty hard to believe, but as usual it has snuck up on me and in less than three days I will be back in my second home. There really are no words to describe my excitement about being down there, but most of all about being with some of the BEST people EVER! 

Needless to say this week is gonna be crazy. I've got a lot going on at work that I need to get done and I've got two days to do it. The weekend was busy and as a result I'm barely packed. I'm in the midst of trying to pack while watching the Yankee game in anticipation of Alex Rodriguez hitting his 600th HR. I did have an awesome work out yesterday morning so that made me feel better. I can definitely see a difference that the extra cardio is making. I'm not quite as winded during my work outs, unless I'm boxing because your lungs are at a whole other level when you box. 

I decided that today would be a cardio day with just some ab work since I had a heavy work out yesterday. However, while I was working out yesterday I felt a strange pull in my left elbow that radiated up my forearm into my wrist. It seems that I have strained 2 of the larger tendons... let me tell you that is NOT a fun thing to strain. Any bending or pulling motion sends an electrifying pain up my arm. I knew there would be no lifting today, which was fine. And then this morning I woke up and I realized I tweaked my left hamstring at some point yesterday which of course didn't surface until today.  Regarding these two injuries, I should've gone home and done a yoga DVD to stretch out my muscles and let my body relax, but instead I went to the gym. I told myself that the elliptical would be a better option than the treadmill with no incline and going at a slower speed. Well, it might've been a better option, but it still wasn't a very good one. I did three sets each of two ab exercises and headed home. So now, I'm trying to pack and hobbling around like an old lady. This is what happens though... I have it in my head that missing out on a work out is a problem. The fact that I'll be away for ten days I have to push myself to the max before I leave otherwise I'll feel like I don't look my best. Yes, I realize that is slightly twisted, but when you are a former fat girl this is unfortunately how your brain works. 

Food hasn't been bad. I've definitely upped the protein and added more veggies into the mix, but I have unfortunately discovered the M&M pretzels which is going to present a BIG problem. I was popping them in my mouth as if they had no calories last week and while I crave them, I'm kind of glad that the bag is empty. Tomorrow night I'm going down to PNC Bank Arts Center to see the Goo Goo Dolls with my cousin so the food will not be as good as I'd like, but Wednesday I'll be back to normal before vacation starts. Even when I go on vacation I don't let everything go to hell. There's actually a gym not far from the hotel that I've been going to the past 2 years so I plan on making an appearance there. I definitely kick back more when I'm on vacation, but I don't completely let myself go either because then I'd really be a lunatic. I would like to cook more when I'm down there but somehow that never really ends up happening and ice cream is mandatory every night so thank God for that gym. I plan on blogging at least once from the shore... I found out last weekend that even my hair stylist reads my blog! I can't even tell you how much that means to me that people actually look forward to reading what I have to say. I certainly hope I don't disappoint! Until next time... 


Monday, July 19, 2010

The Glory/Curse of Being Italian...

It's pretty difficult not to discuss food in this blog since well if you're a fat girl or even a former fat girl you have a deep love of food. Let me just say, being Italian makes the battle so much worse. My family centers around food. We love cooking it, eating it, talking about it, and dining out to eat... so needless to say, trying to stay in shape is A LOT harder than if it wasn't such a huge part of our culture. As detrimental as the whole food thing can be to my figure, I love my heritage and I love my family's love of cooking and how it has been passed down. My father's mother comes from a region in Italy...the Emilia Romagna region and it's known for food so yesterday we had left over Bolognese sauce tossed in a pan with a touch of cream. That my friends, is a small slice of heaven. I didn't feel too bad about it because I had a killer work out Saturday. I learned a new ab exercise and it's SO challenging so naturally I love it! Plus, after a two week hiatus I got back into the boxing groove. Man, did that feel good.

Today was a standard busy Monday. However, I had the misfortune of getting slipped a caffeinated iced coffee this morning and by early afternoon my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. For anyone who can't handle caffeine, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The feeling is so uncomfortable and the next thing you know you're sweaty and you can't sit still. And for anyone who thinks that means you have an outburst of energy... WRONGO! You basically feel like your insides are about to jump out of your skin and it takes HOURS to go away. I debated for awhile, but I decided that I wasn't going to skip my cardio session at the gym. My cousin John has been encouraging the increase in cardio, so to show I respect his future medical opinion, I've been doing so. I did feel much better when I left the office so I took that as a good sign and hit the treadmill and elliptical. I really wish the gym had a pool...that would be much more fun cardio than just standing on those machines.

After 20 minutes of that and my new ab exercise, I'd had enough. Food was pretty good today. Whole grain English muffin with peanut butter for breakfast, a small taste of the new pound cake recipe I made for work today, chicken with asparagus, beans, tomato and mozzarella salad for lunch, some fruit for snack, and dinner... well that goes back to the whole curse of being Italian. My dad had some left over spaghetti carbonara which is also a little slice of heaven in a dish, and a stuffed pork chop for dinner tonight. I know how that wipes out a lot of what I did today but while I was eating it, it didn't seem so bad. The double edged sword of being Italian rears its ugly head again.

I've already got my eggs ready to scramble for the morning so I'll be kicking the day off with a nice healthy dose of protein. I plan on doing a combo of cardio and lifting tomorrow. As of tomorrow, Wildwood will be 9 days away so I gotta keep up my pace to be in the best shape possible before I get there. CAN'T WAIT! Until then, I'll keep on trucking. Hoping to have some new pictures by the end of the week! Stay tuned!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Stepping It Up...


The last week has been pretty busy but I didn't want any of my faithful readers to think I forgot about them (love to my readers down on the island!) I did manage to drag myself to the gym last Thursday after work and did a heavy lifting work out. I learned the hard way the week before that trying to do weighted lunges and kettle bell swings in the same work out is NOT a good idea. When you're a girl you have to sit for the most BASIC of functions so needless to say sitting down was somewhat painful for a few days. I modified my work out so I was able to sit down last week which worked out pretty well.

We're still dealing with the heat wave/humidity here which hasn't been fun. All you really wanna do is sit in air conditioning and not move. I was so happy to get some pool time in this weekend. It was while I was in my bathing suit that I got to thinking how important wearing the right type of clothes for your particular body type is. I don't think guys have to worry about that as much as the ladies do. If you wear low cut jeans and you have a little bit extra in the love handles area those low cut jeans are only going to make it stick out more. Same goes for a bathing suit... wearing a bathing suit bottom that's cut a little lower may not be good because when you sit down your stomach roll tends to show and who wants to see that? See guys, all the things you DON'T have to worry about?! I hate to say it but I am one of those people that really can't wear low cut pants or bathing suits. That's fine, but after I came to terms with that I decided that I needed to adjust my wardrobe accordingly. I think a lot of my body image issues were that I wasn't necessarily wearing all the right type of clothes for my body. I ordered a higher cut bathing suit and I wore it on Sunday and I wasn't freaking out as much about my appearance so I guess that did have something to do with it.

A new week started and Monday I was back in the gym. In an effort to improve my cardio, I dedicated 20 minutes to cardio... 10 minutes on the elliptical and 10 minutes on the elevated treadmill. God awful but I did it anyway. I really wish I was one of those people that could slap on my iPod and go out for a run or jump on a treadmill and just run on there for a half hour but alas I am NOT one of those people. I made sure I did an ab work out before heading out for the day. Yesterday when I normally would've skipped the treadmill in favor for just heavy lifting, I made sure I got on there for 10 minutes at the end of my workout. Did some dead lifts, lat pull downs, shoulder presses and of course abs.

Food has been decent... I've really been making an effort to eat more than a yogurt for breakfast and have yogurt or fruit as my morning snack. Lunch can be a bit of a challenge at times. To tell the truth, there are days when I just want a big, fat sandwich and having to settle for grilled chicken and salad just doesn't do the job. But I am happy to say that I have not given in to the cravings and have been sticking with my chicken and salad with the occasional chicken club sandwich. Dinners are good, but it's the after dinner that's the hard part. That's the time when I want to eat cookies or ice cream and I have to convince myself that eating a yogurt is the better way to go. Tonight I cheated a little with a scoop of some homemade strawberry ice cream (Kudos to my aunt for showing me the secret recipe!).

Tomorrow will be another long day... day 4 of computer training for the new system we're trying to implement so we can FINALLY go paperless. If we can get it to work for us it will make my life so much easier, but there is no guarantee on that one. Hopefully I make it through. Even though I'll want to just come home, flop on my bed and take a nap, my intention is to hit the gym for a cardio session after work. Wildwood is TWO weeks away so I'm trying to stay as strict as I possibly can. Check out some of my most recent pics and note the progress... Also, I have to mention a RIP to Bob Sheppard and George Steinbrenner who passed away this week. The baseball world is truly at a loss...

Until we meet again...
 About a month ago...     
Yesterday :) 

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Burn Baby Burn...

Start of another week. I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend. I spent 2 days eating and drinking some awesome food and wine. The heat was BRUTAL and it still hasn't let up. While mostly everyone spent Monday recovering from the weekend, I had to be at work bright and early. Not fun times. This weekend I was reminded just how much I love food and cooking...not that I need to really be reminded. Sometimes I think that I missed my calling in life. Maybe I should've gone to culinary school, but then I'm reminded that I hate fish and the thought of cooking it or worse having to clean it makes me gag. Not to mention the idea of being in a hot kitchen all day does not sit well with someone like me who gets warm very easily. And the restaurant business has some of the worst hours EVER and I'm more of a day time person anyway. I got some major kudos on the food I made for the weekend which made me feel good. I have been blessed enough to inherit a cooking gene AND a baking gene so I'm more well-rounded in the kitchen. However, sometimes I feel like everyone on the "cooking" side of the family only acknowledges my baking and it's forgotten that I can cook. Don't get me wrong, I still have a lot to learn on the cooking end since this family sets the bar so incredibly high, but I don't like being viewed as one dimensional. I really enjoy both. Some people can't stand the exact science aspect of baking while others don't like the demands of cooking. Personally, I enjoy both. I like knowing I made a killer dinner, but I also like knowing that my dessert is complimenting a meal. This is also why being around food all day would not be a good idea.

In an effort to detox from the weekend, I decided against doing my heavy lifting program today and went with some cardio. It was over 100 degrees today and going into the gym already sweating and then getting on an eliptical and treadmill was probably not the best idea, but it had to be done. I also did two sets of four ab exercises before heading home. Thursday I can heavy lift so at least I'll get it in this week. I know that cardio is going to help me reach my goal it's just soooo boring! I contemplated going on the stair master but then I thought to myself... what's the point of all that climbing and getting nowhere after ten minutes of sweating like a beast? Sure, you don't really get anywhere on a treadmill or on the eliptical but you're looking out straight and can kinda picture whatever you want. I always picture the beach in Wildwood...that's about the only thing that keeps me going.

My food was relatively good today. I made eggs for breakfast, made sure to have a yogurt at 10:30 this morning. Lunch was turkey on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato and mayo. I did have a square of chocolate espresso bar that I made and some fruit before the gym. For dinner I made chicken on the bone with some mozzarella and prosciutto, had some eggplant, and a couple forkfuls of pasta. I fought the urge to eat a piece of the caramel/chocolate covered apple that my mom got from Rocky Mountain Candy Store and opted for a yogurt instead.

Sugar is my drug. I LOVE sugar. I can't even imagine being diabetic and having to be without it. I can remember being a kid and eating Pixie Sticks...the rolled up paper filled with sugar. Don't even get me started on Fun Dip. Yes, I know all of that stuff is horrible for you and I can't even recall the last time I ate either of those things but sugar is soo good! Over the past few years I've really cut back my sugar intake which definitely helps in the weight loss department. Still, I refuse to completely give it up because life is too short to deprive yourself of all your guilty pleasures.

Tomorrow is an off day from the gym, but I plan on being back in there on Thursday. By Friday this heat is supposed to let up a little bit which will be a huge relief. Yankees are on the west coast which means I'm up way later than I should be. Hopefully there will be some pictures by the end of the week!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Long Way Down...

Somehow, I made it through to the end of the week. This week has been packed full of stuff and it seemed like every night I got home later. Tuesday night I made a quick run into the city with mom to help my cousin clean out more of her stuff from her apartment. There's nothing better than hauling what seemed like countless black garbage bags in the humidity and throwing them into the back of my car. We did get a lot out of her apartment which was helpful...I got in after 9 and then Wednesday had an equally long day. Thursday at least I got in late for a good reason... went with my sister to see "Eclipse". *EDWARD CULLEN* is all I have to say =)

Being that I've been so busy this week, my work outs have suffered. I haven't worked out since Monday, but the plan is to hit the gym tomorrow morning before 4th of July festivities commence. It's supposed to be REALLY hot the next couple of days so I'm hoping to sweat off a pound or two. I've been pretty good with my food this week. I notice that I feel better on the mornings when I make eggs or have toast with peanut butter rather than the days that I just eat a yogurt. I was raised with the concept that if you eat less you lose weight and stay thin and to a point that's true, but I subscribe to the philosophy that eating many small meals throughout the day is a better way to go. However, sometimes I find that I try to convince myself that I can survive on eating less. Those are the days when I just eat a yogurt and skip my morning snack and every time I do that I'm a beast by lunch and I wonder, "WHY didn't I just eat something two hours ago?" Sure, sometimes I get busy and don't have time to eat, but in favor of full disclosure there are times when I just think I can get by on less and that's not really the case.

I got to thinking about emotional eating this week. Some people like to drown their sorrows in a gallon of ice cream while others prefer to steer clear of food when they are feeling upset or stressed. Being a former fat girl you can bet that I am not the type that usually passes on comfort food at emotional moments. It may sound slightly crazy but somehow eating that ice cream or those french fries really do make you feel better. Some people don't necessarily feel guilty when they indulge in their comfort food, but I have to say I do. Okay, maybe not right away, but a little while later I'll say, "Why did I eat that crap? Now I've gotta work even harder to lose what I just ate!" It's a vicious cycle. Does there have to be a consequence for EVERYTHING?

I have such a fear of becoming a fat girl again I think that's probably why I agonize so much. I've seen how I can lose weight and then pack it right back on and then take FOREVER to get rid of it again. I refuse to let that happen. For people who have battled their weight, you understand this is something you have to fight every single day. You can't let up for too long otherwise you find yourself in a really big hole that is really hard to get out of. Life is short it should be enjoyed, but for people like me, you can't get too comfortable otherwise you'll find yourself with the short end of the stick.

There are officially 26 days until I leave for Wildwood and I CAN'T WAIT!! That means that I really have to bare down and make sure over the next 3 weeks I eat as well as I can and get my workouts in so that I'm in beach shape for vacation. It honestly cannot come soon enough.

Special shout out to my cousins Chris & John down in St. Vincent's Island at medical school who take the time to read the "Diary of a Former Fatty Blog". Hope this installment didn't disappoint! Hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend! Next week we kick it into high gear...

Monday, June 28, 2010

School's Out For the Summer!!

Well, I'm officially DONE with school for the summer. Last night I handed in my final so now I have two glorious months to not do school work. Now I can spend my nights watching baseball, working on my book and reading--yes, I know that sounds really lame.

The end of the week was rough, but I was very much looking forward to my Saturday morning workout. Okay, so after seeing myself in a bathing suit, I discovered that my thighs are an issue. I can't always do as many leg exercises as I'd like or at the intensity level I want because of reoccurring knee issues, but I'm just gonna try to grit my teeth and bear it. It was a kettle bell swing, squat and curls, push-ups, crunches and BOXING. I really do love hitting stuff. Some of my friends chalk that up to me having a bit of a rage issue (Ha!) Okay, maybe I do have some rage issues :) It just feels really good to be able to get your frustrations out, plus it's really challenging which I LOVE.

I made a trip into NYC to help my cousin move some stuff out of her apartment. It was insanely hot and humid out so we definitely worked up a good sweat. We decided to treat ourselves to some fro-yo (that's frozen yogurt that tastes like ice cream and is only 100 calories). It's all over NYC so I highly recommend trying it if you are an ice cream fan. It definitely hit the spot. When it's that hot all I want to do is eat ice cream, which obviously is not allowed considering I'm on a mission. But I did have to deviate from my mission slightly...I decided to make cookies and cream ice cream to bring over to my dad's for Sunday dinner. I've mentioned before my Oreo addiction so I've been wanting to make this ice cream for weeks. I found a killer recipe and crossed my fingers hoping for the best. Luckily, the ice cream gods smiled down upon me and according to everyone that ate it, I completely nailed it :) I also have a recipe for a chocolate Oreo ice cream that I'm VERY excited to try next! It really is a problem when you LOVE ice cream this much.

I've been slacking on my breakfasts lately...I haven't been taking the time to make myself eggs and have just been eating a yogurt in the morning and I know I need to up my protein. Sometimes I just don't feel like eating it to be quite honest. Lunch I had turkey on whole grain bread with some lettuce, tomato & mayo. I've been trying to increase my hydration so I've upped my water intake. I had some fruit and a piece of cheese before hitting the gym.

I wrestled with doing just cardio and abs or doing a full heavy lifting work out... I went with the full heavy lifting work out. Even though it was hot in the gym, it felt really great to lift today. I did something I haven't done in a long time.. I flipped a bo-su ball over (it's a half stability ball and then rubber on the bottom that lays flat) I turned it over so the rubber side was up and I stood on it and did curls and shoulder presses.  I used to never be able to balance myself and do an exercise so it's rewarding to be able to do it now. I'm not cool enough or coordinated enough to do anything on one foot, but that's next! Dinner was veal chops in a balsamic glaze, string beans, salad, and a little rice pilaf. Ending the night with some Greek yogurt with some mini chocolate chips so I can have my chocolate fix.

Below are some of my recent work out pictures. Definitely planning on working on the arms a little bit more. I have so much respect for chicks with killer arms like Jessica Biel in Blade Trinity. Here's to that happening :)

Triceps are on their way!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Reality Bites...

Miami came and went too fast as it always does. We survived the heat, got some relaxation time in, and ate some killer meals. I didn't make it back to the gym, but considering the amount of sweat I produced and the fact that we walked back from dinner two out of the three nights I can't feel too bad. Every time I'm there I really feel so blessed that I have such a beautiful place to go to with so much at my finger tips.

The first day back is always brutal. To kick things off I woke up 45 minutes late this morning. Luckily, I am not one of those girls that takes FOREVER to get ready and was still out of the house by 7:35ish and got to work by 7:50. I choked down a yogurt before I left the house and was so busy all morning that I didn't snack until I remembered I had a Special K bar in my bag. Now, I try to avoid eating them because of the sugar content, but it was that or nothing and by that point my stomach was screaming for some food. For lunch I had some chicken salad over salad and I'm sorry to say a bag of Baked Lays potato chips. Sometimes SALT is just necessary... ladies, you know what I mean. I also had a couple mini oreos, but then I headed to the gym. Lately oreos are my weakness. I have been dying to make a chocolate oreo ice cream. I don't even like cookies and cream but for some reason I can't get the taste of an oreo ice cream out of my mouth.

For dinner I had a cheddar burger (no bun), some string beans, and a few fries. I wanted to eat the whole package of oreos but I decided against that and came up with a semi-compromise. I had some vanilla Greek yogurt with some mini chocolate chips. Not the healthiest choice but not the worst either.

Today I made sure to really push myself. Kettle bell swings, squats with curls, cable pulls, and some core exercises. After seeing myself in a bathing suit I am determined to get my mid section in shape. I took a lot of time to think while I was in Miami and the truth is I may never be one of those girls with a super flat stomach no matter how hard I work. I always imagined I'd have at least a semi-glamourous life. I imagined myself having a really cool career as either an attorney for super star athletes or working for the Yankees, but I'm not doing any of those things. I can recall being told that no one would take an overweight female attorney seriously or that no one would want an overweight woman so visible in a franchise like the Yankees. I guess that kinda stuck with me. Most of my day is spent in what I like to call my cave considering my office is towards the back of the building. I don't hate my job and I know that I'm being groomed for eventually being someone in the business, but I couldn't help but think that it's always been easier for me to hide in the shadows. I've never been the front and center girl and I guess when you're trying to hide your weight you just tend to hide the rest of you as well. I guess the truth is at 25 I'm still not really comfortable with myself. Call me crazy, but that's also the purpose of this blog...figuring out what to fix and trying to fix it.

So in true Fat Girl fashion, here are my most recent bathing suit pics. I already know what I need to fix so I plan on reassessing for next weeks workouts. Saturday I get to box and after a week of missing it I'm sooo excited! Hopefully I'll figure out how to get some shots of my boxing work out. This weekend will be spent on my final for my Healthcare Ethics class and after Sunday I'm off from school until September WOO HOO. Until we meet again...

Front view...the abs are coming!

Side view...getting flatter but seriously it's all about my awesome braid in this pic! :) 

Monday, June 21, 2010

Welcome to Miami...

I'm baccck in Miami! It's pretty hard to believe it's been over a year since I've been here to my third home (Wildwood is my 2nd home!) I'm sitting at the kitchen table looking out at the gorgeous bay as the supply ships head towards the marina. It was another scorcher today, but luckily there was a bit of a breeze on the beach. Seeing all these skinny girls on the beach makes me never want to eat again. There were 2 girls next to me today that were probably 90 pounds and as I sat there sweating all I could think about was how I would kill for an ice cream cone. WHY do I have to like food so much?

After one of the BEST meals I've had in quite some time last night at the gorgeous Scarpetta in the Fontaine Bleu hotel (Hats off to chef/owner Scott Conant for his AMAZING menu) I felt insanely guilty for everything I ate. This morning the first thing I did was hit the gym. A little treadmill action followed up by some heavy lifting... kettle bell swings, stability ball jack knives, some pulls on the cable machine and some killer ab machine. Naturally, I was starving when I got back upstairs. If I were in the condo alone I would've scarfed some Greek yogurt and made myself some eggs. However, my dad aka the food police was here so I settled for some Special K and some fresh fruit. My dad gets so crazed about what I'm eating that I find myself sneaking things so I'm not being judged for what I'm eating. Yesterday morning we went food shopping & he was hassling me about making sure the half and half I was getting was fat free. So I was forced to get fat free half and half and I had to hear about why I needed Gingerale. This is why I have learned from a young age how to sneak food... I hate to say it but it's a way of life in my family.

For lunch I had some smoked chicken in a whole grain pita with some honey mustard/mayo and lettuce and tomato which completely hit the spot after being out in the heat for almost 3 hours. Again, I could've totally gone for an ice cream cone, but instead grabbed a water and headed back down to the beach. The ocean felt like bath water which wasn't exactly refreshing from the heat, but it felt better than just laying out in the sun.

There was this guy sitting 2 chairs over from me and my sisters... he lives in the other building here and is definitely a Matthew McConaughey look a like. Slamming beach body and was enjoying the ocean as well as spending time working on his tan. Now here comes my point about being a former fat girl.. Ok, so before I mentioned about the two 90 pound girls... well, they couldn't have been more than 20-21. This Matthew look alike starts to talk to the two sticks sitting next to me. Now, for the sake of being fair he could've been talking to them because they were closer to him but my theory is that he was talking to them because they were petite/cute looking girls. All I could think was that if I was a "thin girl" he might've thought to talk to me rather than those two. Of course I could be completely wrong, but I've seen a good looking guy go for the stick figures too many times in my day to truly believe otherwise.

Tonight we are going to another awesome Italian restaurant for dinner--the sisters that own the restaurant are Bolognese (they come from the same city in Italy that my grandma was born in)... also one of the BEST cooking regions in Italy so needless to say the food will be awesome. Tomorrow I'll feel guilty again and make an effort to hit the gym for some cardio in the morning. I probably won't blog again until  I get home which will be Wednesday night. Until we meet again...