Long Way Down...

Somehow, I made it through to the end of the week. This week has been packed full of stuff and it seemed like every night I got home later. Tuesday night I made a quick run into the city with mom to help my cousin clean out more of her stuff from her apartment. There's nothing better than hauling what seemed like countless black garbage bags in the humidity and throwing them into the back of my car. We did get a lot out of her apartment which was helpful...I got in after 9 and then Wednesday had an equally long day. Thursday at least I got in late for a good reason... went with my sister to see "Eclipse". *EDWARD CULLEN* is all I have to say =)

Being that I've been so busy this week, my work outs have suffered. I haven't worked out since Monday, but the plan is to hit the gym tomorrow morning before 4th of July festivities commence. It's supposed to be REALLY hot the next couple of days so I'm hoping to sweat off a pound or two. I've been pretty good with my food this week. I notice that I feel better on the mornings when I make eggs or have toast with peanut butter rather than the days that I just eat a yogurt. I was raised with the concept that if you eat less you lose weight and stay thin and to a point that's true, but I subscribe to the philosophy that eating many small meals throughout the day is a better way to go. However, sometimes I find that I try to convince myself that I can survive on eating less. Those are the days when I just eat a yogurt and skip my morning snack and every time I do that I'm a beast by lunch and I wonder, "WHY didn't I just eat something two hours ago?" Sure, sometimes I get busy and don't have time to eat, but in favor of full disclosure there are times when I just think I can get by on less and that's not really the case.

I got to thinking about emotional eating this week. Some people like to drown their sorrows in a gallon of ice cream while others prefer to steer clear of food when they are feeling upset or stressed. Being a former fat girl you can bet that I am not the type that usually passes on comfort food at emotional moments. It may sound slightly crazy but somehow eating that ice cream or those french fries really do make you feel better. Some people don't necessarily feel guilty when they indulge in their comfort food, but I have to say I do. Okay, maybe not right away, but a little while later I'll say, "Why did I eat that crap? Now I've gotta work even harder to lose what I just ate!" It's a vicious cycle. Does there have to be a consequence for EVERYTHING?

I have such a fear of becoming a fat girl again I think that's probably why I agonize so much. I've seen how I can lose weight and then pack it right back on and then take FOREVER to get rid of it again. I refuse to let that happen. For people who have battled their weight, you understand this is something you have to fight every single day. You can't let up for too long otherwise you find yourself in a really big hole that is really hard to get out of. Life is short it should be enjoyed, but for people like me, you can't get too comfortable otherwise you'll find yourself with the short end of the stick.

There are officially 26 days until I leave for Wildwood and I CAN'T WAIT!! That means that I really have to bare down and make sure over the next 3 weeks I eat as well as I can and get my workouts in so that I'm in beach shape for vacation. It honestly cannot come soon enough.

Special shout out to my cousins Chris & John down in St. Vincent's Island at medical school who take the time to read the "Diary of a Former Fatty Blog". Hope this installment didn't disappoint! Hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend! Next week we kick it into high gear...
Marisa

School's Out For the Summer!!

Well, I'm officially DONE with school for the summer. Last night I handed in my final so now I have two glorious months to not do school work. Now I can spend my nights watching baseball, working on my book and reading--yes, I know that sounds really lame.

The end of the week was rough, but I was very much looking forward to my Saturday morning workout. Okay, so after seeing myself in a bathing suit, I discovered that my thighs are an issue. I can't always do as many leg exercises as I'd like or at the intensity level I want because of reoccurring knee issues, but I'm just gonna try to grit my teeth and bear it. It was a kettle bell swing, squat and curls, push-ups, crunches and BOXING. I really do love hitting stuff. Some of my friends chalk that up to me having a bit of a rage issue (Ha!) Okay, maybe I do have some rage issues :) It just feels really good to be able to get your frustrations out, plus it's really challenging which I LOVE.

I made a trip into NYC to help my cousin move some stuff out of her apartment. It was insanely hot and humid out so we definitely worked up a good sweat. We decided to treat ourselves to some fro-yo (that's frozen yogurt that tastes like ice cream and is only 100 calories). It's all over NYC so I highly recommend trying it if you are an ice cream fan. It definitely hit the spot. When it's that hot all I want to do is eat ice cream, which obviously is not allowed considering I'm on a mission. But I did have to deviate from my mission slightly...I decided to make cookies and cream ice cream to bring over to my dad's for Sunday dinner. I've mentioned before my Oreo addiction so I've been wanting to make this ice cream for weeks. I found a killer recipe and crossed my fingers hoping for the best. Luckily, the ice cream gods smiled down upon me and according to everyone that ate it, I completely nailed it :) I also have a recipe for a chocolate Oreo ice cream that I'm VERY excited to try next! It really is a problem when you LOVE ice cream this much.

I've been slacking on my breakfasts lately...I haven't been taking the time to make myself eggs and have just been eating a yogurt in the morning and I know I need to up my protein. Sometimes I just don't feel like eating it to be quite honest. Lunch I had turkey on whole grain bread with some lettuce, tomato & mayo. I've been trying to increase my hydration so I've upped my water intake. I had some fruit and a piece of cheese before hitting the gym.

I wrestled with doing just cardio and abs or doing a full heavy lifting work out... I went with the full heavy lifting work out. Even though it was hot in the gym, it felt really great to lift today. I did something I haven't done in a long time.. I flipped a bo-su ball over (it's a half stability ball and then rubber on the bottom that lays flat) I turned it over so the rubber side was up and I stood on it and did curls and shoulder presses.  I used to never be able to balance myself and do an exercise so it's rewarding to be able to do it now. I'm not cool enough or coordinated enough to do anything on one foot, but that's next! Dinner was veal chops in a balsamic glaze, string beans, salad, and a little rice pilaf. Ending the night with some Greek yogurt with some mini chocolate chips so I can have my chocolate fix.

Below are some of my recent work out pictures. Definitely planning on working on the arms a little bit more. I have so much respect for chicks with killer arms like Jessica Biel in Blade Trinity. Here's to that happening :)
Marisa

Triceps are on their way!

Reality Bites...

Miami came and went too fast as it always does. We survived the heat, got some relaxation time in, and ate some killer meals. I didn't make it back to the gym, but considering the amount of sweat I produced and the fact that we walked back from dinner two out of the three nights I can't feel too bad. Every time I'm there I really feel so blessed that I have such a beautiful place to go to with so much at my finger tips.

The first day back is always brutal. To kick things off I woke up 45 minutes late this morning. Luckily, I am not one of those girls that takes FOREVER to get ready and was still out of the house by 7:35ish and got to work by 7:50. I choked down a yogurt before I left the house and was so busy all morning that I didn't snack until I remembered I had a Special K bar in my bag. Now, I try to avoid eating them because of the sugar content, but it was that or nothing and by that point my stomach was screaming for some food. For lunch I had some chicken salad over salad and I'm sorry to say a bag of Baked Lays potato chips. Sometimes SALT is just necessary... ladies, you know what I mean. I also had a couple mini oreos, but then I headed to the gym. Lately oreos are my weakness. I have been dying to make a chocolate oreo ice cream. I don't even like cookies and cream but for some reason I can't get the taste of an oreo ice cream out of my mouth.

For dinner I had a cheddar burger (no bun), some string beans, and a few fries. I wanted to eat the whole package of oreos but I decided against that and came up with a semi-compromise. I had some vanilla Greek yogurt with some mini chocolate chips. Not the healthiest choice but not the worst either.

Today I made sure to really push myself. Kettle bell swings, squats with curls, cable pulls, and some core exercises. After seeing myself in a bathing suit I am determined to get my mid section in shape. I took a lot of time to think while I was in Miami and the truth is I may never be one of those girls with a super flat stomach no matter how hard I work. I always imagined I'd have at least a semi-glamourous life. I imagined myself having a really cool career as either an attorney for super star athletes or working for the Yankees, but I'm not doing any of those things. I can recall being told that no one would take an overweight female attorney seriously or that no one would want an overweight woman so visible in a franchise like the Yankees. I guess that kinda stuck with me. Most of my day is spent in what I like to call my cave considering my office is towards the back of the building. I don't hate my job and I know that I'm being groomed for eventually being someone in the business, but I couldn't help but think that it's always been easier for me to hide in the shadows. I've never been the front and center girl and I guess when you're trying to hide your weight you just tend to hide the rest of you as well. I guess the truth is at 25 I'm still not really comfortable with myself. Call me crazy, but that's also the purpose of this blog...figuring out what to fix and trying to fix it.

So in true Fat Girl fashion, here are my most recent bathing suit pics. I already know what I need to fix so I plan on reassessing for next weeks workouts. Saturday I get to box and after a week of missing it I'm sooo excited! Hopefully I'll figure out how to get some shots of my boxing work out. This weekend will be spent on my final for my Healthcare Ethics class and after Sunday I'm off from school until September WOO HOO. Until we meet again...

Marisa

Front view...the abs are coming!

Side view...getting flatter but seriously it's all about my awesome braid in this pic! :) 

Welcome to Miami...

I'm baccck in Miami! It's pretty hard to believe it's been over a year since I've been here to my third home (Wildwood is my 2nd home!) I'm sitting at the kitchen table looking out at the gorgeous bay as the supply ships head towards the marina. It was another scorcher today, but luckily there was a bit of a breeze on the beach. Seeing all these skinny girls on the beach makes me never want to eat again. There were 2 girls next to me today that were probably 90 pounds and as I sat there sweating all I could think about was how I would kill for an ice cream cone. WHY do I have to like food so much?

After one of the BEST meals I've had in quite some time last night at the gorgeous Scarpetta in the Fontaine Bleu hotel (Hats off to chef/owner Scott Conant for his AMAZING menu) I felt insanely guilty for everything I ate. This morning the first thing I did was hit the gym. A little treadmill action followed up by some heavy lifting... kettle bell swings, stability ball jack knives, some pulls on the cable machine and some killer ab machine. Naturally, I was starving when I got back upstairs. If I were in the condo alone I would've scarfed some Greek yogurt and made myself some eggs. However, my dad aka the food police was here so I settled for some Special K and some fresh fruit. My dad gets so crazed about what I'm eating that I find myself sneaking things so I'm not being judged for what I'm eating. Yesterday morning we went food shopping & he was hassling me about making sure the half and half I was getting was fat free. So I was forced to get fat free half and half and I had to hear about why I needed Gingerale. This is why I have learned from a young age how to sneak food... I hate to say it but it's a way of life in my family.

For lunch I had some smoked chicken in a whole grain pita with some honey mustard/mayo and lettuce and tomato which completely hit the spot after being out in the heat for almost 3 hours. Again, I could've totally gone for an ice cream cone, but instead grabbed a water and headed back down to the beach. The ocean felt like bath water which wasn't exactly refreshing from the heat, but it felt better than just laying out in the sun.

There was this guy sitting 2 chairs over from me and my sisters... he lives in the other building here and is definitely a Matthew McConaughey look a like. Slamming beach body and was enjoying the ocean as well as spending time working on his tan. Now here comes my point about being a former fat girl.. Ok, so before I mentioned about the two 90 pound girls... well, they couldn't have been more than 20-21. This Matthew look alike starts to talk to the two sticks sitting next to me. Now, for the sake of being fair he could've been talking to them because they were closer to him but my theory is that he was talking to them because they were petite/cute looking girls. All I could think was that if I was a "thin girl" he might've thought to talk to me rather than those two. Of course I could be completely wrong, but I've seen a good looking guy go for the stick figures too many times in my day to truly believe otherwise.

Tonight we are going to another awesome Italian restaurant for dinner--the sisters that own the restaurant are Bolognese (they come from the same city in Italy that my grandma was born in)... also one of the BEST cooking regions in Italy so needless to say the food will be awesome. Tomorrow I'll feel guilty again and make an effort to hit the gym for some cardio in the morning. I probably won't blog again until  I get home which will be Wednesday night. Until we meet again...

Marisa

Running on Empty...

If I were to say this has been the week from hell I don't think that would do it justice. Aside from being insanely busy at work yesterday was one of those days when EVERYTHING was my fault. That's one of the downfalls of working for your father. I just felt like nothing I was doing was right and I get tired of hearing how I'm the one that constantly needs to readjust my way of being. Thankfully, I have some amazing people in my life that allow me to complain & vent whenever I need to. You know who you are :)

Okay, so like I said...insane schedule this week. I lifted on Monday which was great, but I haven't had the time to fit the gym in any other day this week. And the worst part is today I was out of control hungry. I ate a yogurt for breakfast, chicken club on wheat bread with a little mayo for lunch and then I started thinking about all the things that I wanted to eat like a salami sandwich, an egg and cheese on a roll with ketchup, soft chocolate on a cone, a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. See, that's the problem when you LOVE food. Every item I mentioned is completely different but all deliciously good in their own right. Luckily, I fought the impulse to eat any of that stuff. I ate a piece of cheese and a forkful of rice and peas when I get home. I went and had dinner with my dad...had some turkey, black bean and corn chili followed by a burger (no bun) topped with blue cheese, bacon, and bbq sauce. Sounds weird but when I tell you it's worth trying believe me. Let me also say that I'm normally repulsed by turkey as a substitute for beef or pork but this turkey chili does taste just like beef. I've been trying to add just a little more fat to my diet in hopes of satiating my hunger. Today nothing is working so I've just gotta chalk it up to being a chick. To the ladies reading this blog you know what I'm talking about there are just days when your hormones just make you want to eat certain things and you just can't help it. I have also learned that if you have a craving for something it's better to have it and get it over with rather than let it build up and then pig out on it.

It's slightly after 10, the Yankees are losing so I'm planning on calling it an early night. There is some homework I can be doing but I'm too exhausted to make my brain work much more. I leave for Miami on Saturday...don't have a thing packed. I'm so looking forward to having 4 days of no work. I will do an update from Miami. I always hit the gym there despite how depressing it is to see all those people with their fabulous bodies. Seeing people like that makes me never want to eat again but then all the fabulous Miami restaurants make me remember just why I love food so much. This is what makes it a struggle every single day.

I got a message on facebook from an old friend telling me that I've been slacking on my blogs. It made me feel really good that people ARE actually reading this blog! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I'm sorry for the lack of updates this week... just been swamped with homework and feeling exhausted. I'm gonna try to get some cardio in tomorrow and then get ready for Miami!
Until we meet again...
Marisa

Not Enough Hours In the Day

Well the weekend came and went in the blink of an eye and it's the start of another week. There are always so many things I want to get done and there just never is enough time for all of them. I've been writing a book for the past year or so and I wish I could say that it was finished. Life gets in the way & I don't necessarily have the time to sit and write the way that I want...not to mention I'm old school so I hand write everything out before I type it. Perhaps that sounds strange in this age of technology but it's just something I've always done. I have 2 weeks left of my summer class and the amount of work due each week is just ridiculous. So much for it being summer!

Last week I finished strong with a killer work out on Friday. I am determined to get my back into Hilary Swank like shape so I increased the back exercises. I've also been trying to get my lungs into better shape so that I can get through longer boxing combinations. I like to do a set of exercises, box and do it in a continuous cycle. I survived it pretty well this week so I felt like that was a step forward. One of these days I'm gonna figure out how to take pictures of my boxing session. I never thought that I could ever box or that I would love it. It all started out as a joke about me just wanting to hit something and it turned into me absolutely falling in love with it. I am not a coordinated person so trying to get me to throw multiple punches at one time was quite the challenge. We won't even mention my inability to move and throw a punch at the same time (scary stuff). Over time, I started to get the hang of it and now I hate when I miss out on boxing. There's just something exhilarating about being able to get our all your frustrations on a bag.

I took Saturday and Sunday to recoop. Unfortunately, Sunday was my sister's birthday and my other sister's graduation party so needless to say not exactly a good day of eating. I can tell you it all tasted really good but I doubt my hips are happy about it. This morning I woke up late so all I managed to get in was a yogurt...skipped the snack, had a chicken BLT on whole wheat with a little mayo for lunch, fruit for snack and a piece of cheese before heading to the gym.

I was feeling really tired and it was an insane day at work but I managed to get myself to the gym. I had a good circuit and focused on a lot of pulling type exercises today trying to get my back and my core taken care of at the same time. I did some assisted pull-ups...I never thought I'd be able to do a pull up in my life. I can remember being in grammar school and when we had to do the physical fitness tests and doing pull-ups was one of the requirements. What overweight 9 year old girl wants to be tortured trying to do a pull-up? I could barely hold myself up on the bar! So embarrassing! Assisted pull-ups though are pretty cool. I started out having to use like 130lbs of weight as the assist...I'm down to 85lbs now :)

I came home and sauteed some veal, made an asparagus salad with some tomatoes and mozzarella, and a little bit of risotto with some peas for dinner. Had to make my heavy carb be enjoyable. And let me tell you it was mighty tasty. Getting to the gym the rest of the week is going to be tough just because of my schedule, but I'm going to make an attempt. I leave for Miami in 4 days so I'm really trying to behave. Finishing off the night with a Greek yogurt and hopefully getting to sleep before midnight. Below are some of my recent work out pictures. I want to use them for when I get my back where I want it to be as a means of comparison. Until we meet again...signing off...
Marisa

Some 2 handed swings...

Ugly face I'm making but 1 handed rows are awesome!

Working those muscles! (Trying to!)

                   

The Looking Glass...

While I was at the gym Tuesday, I got to thinking about how self-conscious I really am. It kind of goes with the territory... when you're over weight so all you do is cover yourself up. You feel like you always have to hide your imperfections. This example may seem dumb to any of the guys reading this blog, but the ladies will know exactly what I'm talking about... When I work out I always wear a "long" sports bra/work out shirt whatever you want to call it. I'm just not comfortable bearing my whole stomach when I'm working out. Well, by some stroke of bad luck, I forgot to pack my long shirt and was left with only a sports bra...AKA I had to work out with my stomach bared. At first, I was mortified. How was I going to go into the gym like that? It sounds crazy but when you're insecure about something you just feel like everyone is going to be staring at what you don't want them to see. After much debating, I decided it wasn't a big deal and I needed to just get over it. It actually gave me a lot of perspective about how far I've come. Yes, I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I used to be either. Getting to see myself that way made me feel really proud for how far I've come.

Okay, reflection aside...now to the important stuff. Tuesday was my heavy lifting day. I like to work out in small circuits....basically I group together a bunch of different exercises and do them in a row as one set and then I take a break. Kettle bells are my best friends in the gym. I use them for just about everything and I find them to be a lot more challenging than just free weights. I've upped the amount on my weights which is causing the extra soreness but it's worth it. I really want to start working on my back...my inspiration is Hilary Swank from her role in "Million Dollar Baby". Okay, maybe not quite as sculpted as Hilary's but something along those lines. I can see more definition in my arms and abs so I guess it really is paying off.

Made chicken for dinner along with some left over pasta (my big carb treat) and some vegetables. Ended the night with a greek yogurt topped with strawberries. Wednesday was my long day so I tried to keep my eating on target since I knew I wouldn't have time to work out. Eggs for breakfast along with a yogurt for that extra bang of protein, chicken salad over tossed salad for lunch, fruit for snack, and surprise surprise chicken for dinner. I did cheat a little with a sliver of pound cake...My aunt's pound cake is kind of unavoidable. Ended the night with some fresh fruit.

Today I managed some cardio which I had to force myself into. I got out of work late and I just wanted to go right home, but I dragged myself to the gym anyway. I wish I liked cardio, but I just can't get excited about it...it just seems like you get no where... you run on a treadmill and after ten minutes you're still in the same place. Food was good today...whole grain English muffin with peanut butter for breakfast with a yogurt, chicken and salad for lunch, fruit for snack and a burger (no bun) with some cheese along with veggies for dinner. I think I'll finish things off with a yogurt or maybe some melon. Tomorrow is Friday (YAY!) and my big work out which I'm looking forward to. Anytime I get to box aka hit stuff I'm a happy girl.

Since I promised pictures no matter how embarrassing check out the picture from about 5 years ago to now. Until next time...
Marisa